Nov
6
Weeding Through Parenting Tips
Filed Under Home And Family | Leave a Comment
Joseph Then asked:
If you are a parent, you would have encountered people giving you different types of parenting tips. They will often tell you how well it works for them. Sometimes it can be a little confusing but we must appreciate their help. The issue is to know which one is applicable for your parenting style. All that you need to do is to learn how to evaluate each tips and extract those that are useful for you.
Determining Usefulness
The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:
- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.
- Determine is you would actually do this.
- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.
If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.
Trial and Error
As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn’t work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.
Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ways to Use Them
Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose youself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.
Parenting tips can be nice. At all times try not to strike them off immediately. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.
If you are a parent, you would have encountered people giving you different types of parenting tips. They will often tell you how well it works for them. Sometimes it can be a little confusing but we must appreciate their help. The issue is to know which one is applicable for your parenting style. All that you need to do is to learn how to evaluate each tips and extract those that are useful for you.
Determining Usefulness
The first step is to determine if you can or want to use a tip. Obviously, you will ruin into tips that you just do not agree with or feel are just not for you. Those you can disregard. However, more often you will likely be unsure if a tip is useful. Try the following to see if those tips are useful for you:
- Ask yourself if it seem reasonable.
- Determine is you would actually do this.
- Think about how it would work for you and your kids.
If you are still not sure if the tip is good, what you can do it give it a try and see the result.
Trial and Error
As mentioned, the next thing to do is try the tips out. See if they do work. If something doesn’t work then let it go. If that tip works for your kids, put it in your list of skills.
Sometimes you can not tell if something will work unless you give it a try and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ways to Use Them
Parenting tips come in many forms and you may wonder how the heck to even use a tip. Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed. When you get a good tip try writing it down and when a good time comes up use it. You do not have to feel pressured to change your style to parenting just because they are the best parenting tips in the world. Let them happen naturally. Use them if you need them. Do not impose youself to apply the tips as you can drive yourself nuts and perhaps for your kids too.
Parenting tips can be nice. At all times try not to strike them off immediately. Try to see if you can use them and you may be surprised at what you can learn. It is amazing sometimes just how great parenting tips can be. Just do not let the people think that you are not a good parent because of your different approach to parenting. Parenting tips are given so that they can build up your skillset.
Jun
12
How to Plan For Aging Parents
Filed Under Home And Family | Leave a Comment
April Norhanian asked:
Alternatives to Pricey Retirement Homes
It happens to everyone with parents. One day, it will be time to take care of those who raised you. Retirement homes have long been the choice for busy families that don’t have the time or the room to care for their folks. But there are other options. If you plan ahead, you hook your mom and dad up with an agreeable living situation that will make you happy, them happy, and will not break your budget.
I recently quit my job at a retirement home. By all appearances, it was a very nice retirement home. The first thing you saw when you walked in was a large elegant dining room, a winding staircase, and a grand piano in the middle of a sky-lit atrium. The average age of residents was eighty five years old, and while it was considered “independent living” most of the residents were dependent. They depended on staff to prepare them three meals a day, they depended on the bus driver for transportation (since many had given up driving) and they even depended on an activity director to schedule ways for them to pass their time (that was my job). These services were selling points for the facility, and families were willing to pay an average of four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month so mom and dad could play bingo and bridge in a nicely furnished community. Because this facility was considered independent living, the rent did not cover health services.
In the year that I worked there, I got to know many of the residents. They confided in me. I learned that many of the seniors never really felt like it was their home or even a suitable replacement. Despite the extravagant landscaping, it was still institutionalized living. A lot of them hated the food. Some were even pretending to be happy just for their children. OK, some old folks are just cranky, and you can’t please them no matter what. But regardless, I couldn’t help the feeling that in many ways, retirement homes are completely unnecessary and even a waste of money.
In today’s tight economy, it’s time to be creative and resourceful when it comes to finding a home for Mom and Dad. Rather than committing your parents (or grandparents) to expensive retirement institutions, consider these housing alternatives.
Make room at home (Seriously.)
Up until the second half of the 20th century, this is how people lived! Multiple generations lived under one roof. Make room in the basement. Convert the garage into another bedroom. Or simply plan ahead now and buy a bigger house than you need. Ever notice how big houses were in the 19th century? That’s because families actually lived together. They were much more unified than they are today. In the old days, it was not unusual to have granny answer the door in her curlers. In fact, in many households, grandparents had an important and useful role in the family. I’m not sure what changed, but somehow Americans became embarrassed by their elderly relatives. It’s time be proud of our families again –no matter how senile they may be!
Of course having your parents live with you works extremely well if you actually get along with them. I lucked out having really cool folks. But it can be done even if you have differences. Just make sure you have enough space for privacy. My parents are not even retired yet, but my husband and I have decided that our next house will be designed to accommodate them when the time comes. We will have an in-law suite (on the first floor of course) or a separate cottage on our property. It’s important to make sure the space is accessible with walkers and wheelchairs. In my opinion, it’s never too early to consider a house with extra space for aging relatives. You can always make use of the space in the meantime by renting it out, hosting an exchange student, or housing your teenage kids.
Buy the house next door (Hire home health care services as needed.)
Keep property in the family. On a business trip in Greece, I made friends with a local colleague. Before going out to dinner, she invited me to her brand new condo to meet her family. Her family lived in separate condos, but literally owned the whole building. Her great grand parents lived in the condo on the first floor, her grand parents lived on the second floor, her parents lived on the third floor and she had just gotten the deed to the fourth floor where her and her new husband lived. Why pay over four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month on a small apartment in a retirement home, when you can purchase the house next door (or the apartment below you?) Most mortgage payments are considerably cheaper than rent at a retirement community and plus your money goes toward an investment. Not to mention the sense of true independence this will provide your parents. Old people like to have their own things too.
Understandably, some seniors need special care. In this case you can hire a home health service! There are enough services out there for you to choose from a la carte. Many private health services provide drivers, nurses, and housekeepers as needed. Decide what services you and your parents really need to spend money on and employ a private company. There are many such services. You can find them online or just go to your nearest “independent living” retirement home and look through the multitude of home health care brochures. Otherwise, if your parents are close enough, you can provide meals for them and take them shopping. Of course there may be a time when seniors require full-time nursing care for serious illnesses, but in the meantime, why pay for three meals a day at Sleepy Hollow Retirement when you can keep real estate in the family?
Encourage your parents to move to a big city. (Especially a city you would want to visit!)
For the more active retirees, there are options for adventure. If you have the kind of parents that can’t stand to be still, you may consider packing them up and sending them off. The complaint I heard to most when working in a retirement home was how much the residents missed their cars. They hated giving up their wheels and missed being able to go wherever they want when they want. Subsequently, there is an increasing trend of seniors moving to large cities so they can take advantage of public transportation. While many people have sprawled out to the suburbs, it makes sense for driving impaired seniors to choose an urban setting. living in the heart of a metropolitan area means you don’t need a car, plus there are many things to do and see.
Send your parents to college.
If your parents have an active mind, think about getting them a dorm on a college campus. That’s right, some colleges are now catering to seniors and even offering free classes and discounts on amenities such as golf and tennis. Who needs bingo night when you can take a French class, go to a football game, or see a theatre performance? Research has shown that mental activity may prevent dementia. So, for those seniors considering an “institutional lifestyle,” they may as well choose a college campus over a retirement home. The cost of senior dorms vary. Depending on the housing package, some dorms may be just as expensive as retirement homes. But hey, if you plan on forking out rent for a home, renting a room on a lively college campus sure beats the activity department of any retirement home.
Help your parents escape the country.
Retiring abroad may be an appealing choice for seniors who are looking to stretch their dollars. If they insist on enlisting in a retirement community, look at places like Mexico. In fact, many retirement homes in Mexico cater to the American market. One major pitfall of course, is that you won’t get to see them as often. But look at it this way, you’d have a cool place to visit. A few years ago, a lady from England made news for choosing to live out her golden years on a cruise ship. 86-year-old Bea Muller of Florida was aboard the Queen Elizabeth 2 in 2000 when her husband died. She didn’t want to move back home to live alone and she didn’t want to live in a retirement home. So, she decided to sell everything and book herself for a world cruise one year at a time. In her case, with all the amenities, it actually worked out cheaper than assisted living.
Of course there may be that rare instance where your parents insist on living in a retirement home. They may actually want to have a 400 square foot apartment, collect “funny money,” endure Elvis impersonators, and rely on a one-size-fits all activity calendar for fun. But this is doubtful. Most people want to remain as independent as possible for as long as they can. Most people want to be an active member of a family or community. No matter how old and senile, there are certainly plenty of options for giving them that opportunity outside a cookie-cutter retirement home.
Alternatives to Pricey Retirement Homes
It happens to everyone with parents. One day, it will be time to take care of those who raised you. Retirement homes have long been the choice for busy families that don’t have the time or the room to care for their folks. But there are other options. If you plan ahead, you hook your mom and dad up with an agreeable living situation that will make you happy, them happy, and will not break your budget.
I recently quit my job at a retirement home. By all appearances, it was a very nice retirement home. The first thing you saw when you walked in was a large elegant dining room, a winding staircase, and a grand piano in the middle of a sky-lit atrium. The average age of residents was eighty five years old, and while it was considered “independent living” most of the residents were dependent. They depended on staff to prepare them three meals a day, they depended on the bus driver for transportation (since many had given up driving) and they even depended on an activity director to schedule ways for them to pass their time (that was my job). These services were selling points for the facility, and families were willing to pay an average of four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month so mom and dad could play bingo and bridge in a nicely furnished community. Because this facility was considered independent living, the rent did not cover health services.
In the year that I worked there, I got to know many of the residents. They confided in me. I learned that many of the seniors never really felt like it was their home or even a suitable replacement. Despite the extravagant landscaping, it was still institutionalized living. A lot of them hated the food. Some were even pretending to be happy just for their children. OK, some old folks are just cranky, and you can’t please them no matter what. But regardless, I couldn’t help the feeling that in many ways, retirement homes are completely unnecessary and even a waste of money.
In today’s tight economy, it’s time to be creative and resourceful when it comes to finding a home for Mom and Dad. Rather than committing your parents (or grandparents) to expensive retirement institutions, consider these housing alternatives.
Make room at home (Seriously.)
Up until the second half of the 20th century, this is how people lived! Multiple generations lived under one roof. Make room in the basement. Convert the garage into another bedroom. Or simply plan ahead now and buy a bigger house than you need. Ever notice how big houses were in the 19th century? That’s because families actually lived together. They were much more unified than they are today. In the old days, it was not unusual to have granny answer the door in her curlers. In fact, in many households, grandparents had an important and useful role in the family. I’m not sure what changed, but somehow Americans became embarrassed by their elderly relatives. It’s time be proud of our families again –no matter how senile they may be!
Of course having your parents live with you works extremely well if you actually get along with them. I lucked out having really cool folks. But it can be done even if you have differences. Just make sure you have enough space for privacy. My parents are not even retired yet, but my husband and I have decided that our next house will be designed to accommodate them when the time comes. We will have an in-law suite (on the first floor of course) or a separate cottage on our property. It’s important to make sure the space is accessible with walkers and wheelchairs. In my opinion, it’s never too early to consider a house with extra space for aging relatives. You can always make use of the space in the meantime by renting it out, hosting an exchange student, or housing your teenage kids.
Buy the house next door (Hire home health care services as needed.)
Keep property in the family. On a business trip in Greece, I made friends with a local colleague. Before going out to dinner, she invited me to her brand new condo to meet her family. Her family lived in separate condos, but literally owned the whole building. Her great grand parents lived in the condo on the first floor, her grand parents lived on the second floor, her parents lived on the third floor and she had just gotten the deed to the fourth floor where her and her new husband lived. Why pay over four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month on a small apartment in a retirement home, when you can purchase the house next door (or the apartment below you?) Most mortgage payments are considerably cheaper than rent at a retirement community and plus your money goes toward an investment. Not to mention the sense of true independence this will provide your parents. Old people like to have their own things too.
Understandably, some seniors need special care. In this case you can hire a home health service! There are enough services out there for you to choose from a la carte. Many private health services provide drivers, nurses, and housekeepers as needed. Decide what services you and your parents really need to spend money on and employ a private company. There are many such services. You can find them online or just go to your nearest “independent living” retirement home and look through the multitude of home health care brochures. Otherwise, if your parents are close enough, you can provide meals for them and take them shopping. Of course there may be a time when seniors require full-time nursing care for serious illnesses, but in the meantime, why pay for three meals a day at Sleepy Hollow Retirement when you can keep real estate in the family?
Encourage your parents to move to a big city. (Especially a city you would want to visit!)
For the more active retirees, there are options for adventure. If you have the kind of parents that can’t stand to be still, you may consider packing them up and sending them off. The complaint I heard to most when working in a retirement home was how much the residents missed their cars. They hated giving up their wheels and missed being able to go wherever they want when they want. Subsequently, there is an increasing trend of seniors moving to large cities so they can take advantage of public transportation. While many people have sprawled out to the suburbs, it makes sense for driving impaired seniors to choose an urban setting. living in the heart of a metropolitan area means you don’t need a car, plus there are many things to do and see.
Send your parents to college.
If your parents have an active mind, think about getting them a dorm on a college campus. That’s right, some colleges are now catering to seniors and even offering free classes and discounts on amenities such as golf and tennis. Who needs bingo night when you can take a French class, go to a football game, or see a theatre performance? Research has shown that mental activity may prevent dementia. So, for those seniors considering an “institutional lifestyle,” they may as well choose a college campus over a retirement home. The cost of senior dorms vary. Depending on the housing package, some dorms may be just as expensive as retirement homes. But hey, if you plan on forking out rent for a home, renting a room on a lively college campus sure beats the activity department of any retirement home.
Help your parents escape the country.
Retiring abroad may be an appealing choice for seniors who are looking to stretch their dollars. If they insist on enlisting in a retirement community, look at places like Mexico. In fact, many retirement homes in Mexico cater to the American market. One major pitfall of course, is that you won’t get to see them as often. But look at it this way, you’d have a cool place to visit. A few years ago, a lady from England made news for choosing to live out her golden years on a cruise ship. 86-year-old Bea Muller of Florida was aboard the Queen Elizabeth 2 in 2000 when her husband died. She didn’t want to move back home to live alone and she didn’t want to live in a retirement home. So, she decided to sell everything and book herself for a world cruise one year at a time. In her case, with all the amenities, it actually worked out cheaper than assisted living.
Of course there may be that rare instance where your parents insist on living in a retirement home. They may actually want to have a 400 square foot apartment, collect “funny money,” endure Elvis impersonators, and rely on a one-size-fits all activity calendar for fun. But this is doubtful. Most people want to remain as independent as possible for as long as they can. Most people want to be an active member of a family or community. No matter how old and senile, there are certainly plenty of options for giving them that opportunity outside a cookie-cutter retirement home.
Mar
12
Len Stauffenger asked:
These are the first 5 of 10 Effective Parenting Tips - look for the next 5 in our next article.
Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You’ve only got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and hardworking. You won’t always feel good about doing what is necessary, but remembering that you’ve only got one chance to get it right for them will help you do what you need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help you:
1. There Is No Tomorrow. You’ve only got right now, today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally for your children.. Once this “right now” is gone, it’s gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will give them your complete attention even if it means setting your stuff aside. Of course you won’t be at the 100% level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now moment to utilize as many of the following right now moments with your kid’s benefit held at the forefront, they will benefit from your decision.
2. Begin With The End In Mind. It won’t do any good when your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish you’d done things differently. Right now is when you get to make the decisions that will affect his getting to eighteen. Think through what you’d like that to be and then think about how you’ll have to “be” in the intervening years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful lives. That’s all that matters. That is your magnificent obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you’re working towards and remind yourself that it doesn’t happen in a single day.
3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what you do every time you interact with your children. And it always happens today. There isn’t a moment when you are not teaching your children - if you’re helping with schoolwork, watching their team sports or just sitting down to the family meals. It doesn’t matter if you’re having dinner in your kitchen or if you’re a part-time parent who is having dinner at McDonald’s. What matters is that you’re really there. You are a guide and an anchor. Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model. That’s how you will have the greatest impact on your children. Parenting is about the millions of “small things” and not about big events or sounding great when you talk about them. It’s about the quiet times and the little things.
4. Listen To Them. You’ll Be Amazed. One of the most important things you can do to fully be with your children is to listen to them with full attention. When that little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what you think they’re saying, you’re not really hearing what they say. If you’re not present with your children, they know it. What is the message you’re telling them if you’re not present? They’re not worthy? They’re not important? They’re not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop what you’re doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into their eyes, you’re less likely to be distracted when you’re looking into their eyes. Listen. Don’t let that voice in your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I’m listening, I will repeat in my head what they’re saying.
5. Control Your Emotions. Don’t yell at your children. If you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you’re simply upsetting them. That doesn’t mean if you’ve yelled at your children, you’re going to destroy their psyche. Remember, take the long view. We’re building a foundation one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your children and upsetting them once will have no effect on them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up, well…..let’s hope that somehow children who have to deal with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it’s not effective. It’s not promoting your magnificent obsession. See if you can pinpoint what kicks off that emotion. It’s not your children. Keep in mind your goal of being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers that release our emotions without thinking.
If you use these effective parenting tips, you’ll be on your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your children. Look for five more tips in our next installment in this series.
These are the first 5 of 10 Effective Parenting Tips - look for the next 5 in our next article.
Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You’ve only got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and hardworking. You won’t always feel good about doing what is necessary, but remembering that you’ve only got one chance to get it right for them will help you do what you need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help you:
1. There Is No Tomorrow. You’ve only got right now, today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally for your children.. Once this “right now” is gone, it’s gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will give them your complete attention even if it means setting your stuff aside. Of course you won’t be at the 100% level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now moment to utilize as many of the following right now moments with your kid’s benefit held at the forefront, they will benefit from your decision.
2. Begin With The End In Mind. It won’t do any good when your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish you’d done things differently. Right now is when you get to make the decisions that will affect his getting to eighteen. Think through what you’d like that to be and then think about how you’ll have to “be” in the intervening years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful lives. That’s all that matters. That is your magnificent obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you’re working towards and remind yourself that it doesn’t happen in a single day.
3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day. Teaching is what you do every time you interact with your children. And it always happens today. There isn’t a moment when you are not teaching your children - if you’re helping with schoolwork, watching their team sports or just sitting down to the family meals. It doesn’t matter if you’re having dinner in your kitchen or if you’re a part-time parent who is having dinner at McDonald’s. What matters is that you’re really there. You are a guide and an anchor. Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model. That’s how you will have the greatest impact on your children. Parenting is about the millions of “small things” and not about big events or sounding great when you talk about them. It’s about the quiet times and the little things.
4. Listen To Them. You’ll Be Amazed. One of the most important things you can do to fully be with your children is to listen to them with full attention. When that little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what you think they’re saying, you’re not really hearing what they say. If you’re not present with your children, they know it. What is the message you’re telling them if you’re not present? They’re not worthy? They’re not important? They’re not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop what you’re doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into their eyes, you’re less likely to be distracted when you’re looking into their eyes. Listen. Don’t let that voice in your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I’m listening, I will repeat in my head what they’re saying.
5. Control Your Emotions. Don’t yell at your children. If you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you’re simply upsetting them. That doesn’t mean if you’ve yelled at your children, you’re going to destroy their psyche. Remember, take the long view. We’re building a foundation one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your children and upsetting them once will have no effect on them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up, well…..let’s hope that somehow children who have to deal with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it’s not effective. It’s not promoting your magnificent obsession. See if you can pinpoint what kicks off that emotion. It’s not your children. Keep in mind your goal of being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers that release our emotions without thinking.
If you use these effective parenting tips, you’ll be on your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your children. Look for five more tips in our next installment in this series.