Jul
29
Head or Heart? You Decide
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
Sandra Prior asked:
Decisions, decisions! From cars to careers and lipsticks to lovers, few generations have faced more choices in life than today’s 20-something women, or enjoyed more freedom to make them. It’s exciting but also daunting, and we debate and equivocate and endlessly procrastinate, torn between our heads and our hearts.
‘My mom keeps telling me how lucky I am,’ says 25-year-old attorney Amita. ‘I’ve been able to choose to go to varsity, to choose a profession I love, and now to choose a partner - my boyfriend Dinesh and I are thinking of getting married next year.’ In contrast, her mother was taken out of high school at 15 and married at 18 to a husband selected by the family. ‘It was a head’s-only decision - and not even Mom’s head. But because of the way she was raised, she didn’t question it.’
Amita believes her mother grew to love her father, ‘and she always says she’s been happy just raising me and my brothers, and helping in the family business.’ Once, however, when Amita pressed her, she confessed that given the choice she’d have liked to study law like her daughter.
‘It makes me sad but sometimes part of me is secretly almost envious,’ says Amita. ‘I love my life but it’s so complicated making decisions, especially when they can change it completely - like now, with Dinesh. It’s scary’.
Pressure of Choice
The reason we find decisions frightening is that to choose something is by definition to reject everything else -to close the door on other possibilities. In Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions (Harper Collins), Dan Ariely, professor of behavioral economics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in the US, tells how in SBC the Chinese general Xiang Yu got his reluctant troops to focus on crossing a river into enemy territory by breaking their cooking pots and burning their ships.
Conducting experiments with students at MIT, Ariely found that closing doors on options by making a decision produces in us the pain of loss. And fear of this can hold us back, stopping us from committing to a new job or to an exclusive relationship in marriage - Amita’s current quandary.
‘My heart tells me I love Dinesh, and my parents like him too as a person. But he’s a teacher and I already outeam him. They think I could do better. And I **** myself for it, but sometimes when he and I have had a row and I look at things purely with my head, I wonder whether one day I could think so too….’
Head vs Heart
Most decisions come down to head versus heart. Head decisions are left-brain, says self-awareness coach Barbara Scogings. They’re analytical and one-dimensional, centered on conscious, logical, rational thinking.
We come to them by objectively considering the pros and cons of different options, assigning values and weights to each, and considering best- and worst-case scenarios and the probabilities of these.
Heart decisions, on the other hand, are right-brain. They’re emotional; rooted in our feelings and intuition. We arrive at them by listening to our inner voice, visualizing different options and their implications, noticing the feelings associated with each, sometimes even considering our dreams, looking to our subconscious for guidance.
‘Which of the two drives you most will impact greatly on your life from your early 20s until you retire,’ says transformation coach and author Steve Wright Krummeck of The (W)Right Coaching Company.
Basic personality type will play a role. People driven predominantly by the heart are ‘feelers, life’s lovers’, says Anthony Falikowski, author of Mastering Human Relations (Pearson). They tend to be intuitive, unconventional, exploratory, sociable, compassionate and humane. In contrast, head people, who he calls ‘life’s logicians’, mostly need time to plan and consider, like to organize and synthesize information, prefer to learn vicariously through books, store large amounts of knowledge and information, and are interested in ideas and theories.
Culture, upbringing and the values these instill in us also influence how we make decisions, as do evolutionary forces and the way our brains are biologically wired. Today developments in magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) techniques allow scientists to see exactly what goes on in the brain during decision-making. By measuring levels of oxygen in the blood they can tell which areas of the brain are more active - those dealing with abstract reasoning or those processing emotions. Harvard psychology professor Joshua Greene has used MRI to demonstrate that there is a neurological basis for us being ‘in two minds’ over decisions - that our ‘heart’ and our ‘head’ compete for dominance.
Deciding Right
‘Good decision-making is a learnt skill and must be exercised like a muscle to build strength,’ say leadership coaches Annette Geffert and Diane Brown, authors of A Toolbox For Our Daughters (New World Library). Positive growth and change require the development of what they call our ‘internal decision-making centre or ‘connected inner guide’. Unchecked, the head and the heart have no desire for balance - each pushes hard for control, and when one is allowed to dominate it’s at the expense of the other. But both are needed for us to function ‘in harmony and balance’.
From our late teens through our 20s, our behavior tends to be more heart-driven, says Scogings. ‘In ancient tradition, the heart is the seat of authentic intelligence and it’s important to listen to it. But because you’re still emotionally immature, your heartfelt actions will often be impulsive and need to be tempered with reason until you can use the two more equally, usually around age 30. Permanent contentment will grow out of a balance between heartfelt and logical choices.’
Krummeck agrees. ‘We need to acknowledge whether we are predominantly heart-or head-driven, then consciously step into the opposite space for a while when we make decisions. If that’s too hard we need to seek mediation or advice from a trusted friend who operates in that opposite space and can play devil’s advocate, or from a coach or counselor.’
Recent research at the University of Amsterdam shows that most people use a head approach for deciding simpler, more practical things, such as whether to buy a toaster, considering features such as price, brand and quality. But when it comes to more important decisions, for instance whether to buy a house or get married, they’re mostly swayed by the heart. And this may well be for the best - in recent tests at the University of Otago in New Zealand, psychologist Dr Jamin Halberstadt demonstrated that intuitive or ‘heart’ decision-making often leads to more accurate or better-quality decisions than an analytic head approach. ‘Analyzing reasons can impair judgment,’ he reported.
So what’s our best approach? ‘Weigh things up logically,’ advises Krummeck. (See ‘Guide to decide’.) Then go with your heart. Client after client tells me ‘If only I’d followed my heart early in life.’ It’s estimated 65% to 70% of people in the world are happy. The rest are mostly unhappy because they didn’t listen to their hearts and pursued security and money instead of what excited them. They listened to their heads. This has a profound effect throughout our lives.’
When we pursue our passion, says Krummeck, we tend to be more joyful. This brings about a physiological change in our bodies - our heartbeat actually becomes more regular, stress levels drop and we’re more at peace. ‘Heart decisions tend to be ‘love-driven’, positive and energizing, while head ones can be fear-driven, negative and debilitating.’ The way you feel after making a decision will indicate whether it’s right for you. If you’re tense and stressed, rethink it. If you’re relaxed and content, it’s almost certainly the right decision for you, at least for now.
‘Don’t look for perfection,’ concludes Krummeck. This is an imperfect universe. Remember: avoiding making a decision is to make a decision by default - often one that puts your life on hold. ‘Be glad you have the power to choose, choose as well as you can, and follow through on the choice. Learn whatever you can from it. You will grow in the process’.
Decisions, decisions! From cars to careers and lipsticks to lovers, few generations have faced more choices in life than today’s 20-something women, or enjoyed more freedom to make them. It’s exciting but also daunting, and we debate and equivocate and endlessly procrastinate, torn between our heads and our hearts.
‘My mom keeps telling me how lucky I am,’ says 25-year-old attorney Amita. ‘I’ve been able to choose to go to varsity, to choose a profession I love, and now to choose a partner - my boyfriend Dinesh and I are thinking of getting married next year.’ In contrast, her mother was taken out of high school at 15 and married at 18 to a husband selected by the family. ‘It was a head’s-only decision - and not even Mom’s head. But because of the way she was raised, she didn’t question it.’
Amita believes her mother grew to love her father, ‘and she always says she’s been happy just raising me and my brothers, and helping in the family business.’ Once, however, when Amita pressed her, she confessed that given the choice she’d have liked to study law like her daughter.
‘It makes me sad but sometimes part of me is secretly almost envious,’ says Amita. ‘I love my life but it’s so complicated making decisions, especially when they can change it completely - like now, with Dinesh. It’s scary’.
Pressure of Choice
The reason we find decisions frightening is that to choose something is by definition to reject everything else -to close the door on other possibilities. In Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions (Harper Collins), Dan Ariely, professor of behavioral economics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in the US, tells how in SBC the Chinese general Xiang Yu got his reluctant troops to focus on crossing a river into enemy territory by breaking their cooking pots and burning their ships.
Conducting experiments with students at MIT, Ariely found that closing doors on options by making a decision produces in us the pain of loss. And fear of this can hold us back, stopping us from committing to a new job or to an exclusive relationship in marriage - Amita’s current quandary.
‘My heart tells me I love Dinesh, and my parents like him too as a person. But he’s a teacher and I already outeam him. They think I could do better. And I **** myself for it, but sometimes when he and I have had a row and I look at things purely with my head, I wonder whether one day I could think so too….’
Head vs Heart
Most decisions come down to head versus heart. Head decisions are left-brain, says self-awareness coach Barbara Scogings. They’re analytical and one-dimensional, centered on conscious, logical, rational thinking.
We come to them by objectively considering the pros and cons of different options, assigning values and weights to each, and considering best- and worst-case scenarios and the probabilities of these.
Heart decisions, on the other hand, are right-brain. They’re emotional; rooted in our feelings and intuition. We arrive at them by listening to our inner voice, visualizing different options and their implications, noticing the feelings associated with each, sometimes even considering our dreams, looking to our subconscious for guidance.
‘Which of the two drives you most will impact greatly on your life from your early 20s until you retire,’ says transformation coach and author Steve Wright Krummeck of The (W)Right Coaching Company.
Basic personality type will play a role. People driven predominantly by the heart are ‘feelers, life’s lovers’, says Anthony Falikowski, author of Mastering Human Relations (Pearson). They tend to be intuitive, unconventional, exploratory, sociable, compassionate and humane. In contrast, head people, who he calls ‘life’s logicians’, mostly need time to plan and consider, like to organize and synthesize information, prefer to learn vicariously through books, store large amounts of knowledge and information, and are interested in ideas and theories.
Culture, upbringing and the values these instill in us also influence how we make decisions, as do evolutionary forces and the way our brains are biologically wired. Today developments in magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) techniques allow scientists to see exactly what goes on in the brain during decision-making. By measuring levels of oxygen in the blood they can tell which areas of the brain are more active - those dealing with abstract reasoning or those processing emotions. Harvard psychology professor Joshua Greene has used MRI to demonstrate that there is a neurological basis for us being ‘in two minds’ over decisions - that our ‘heart’ and our ‘head’ compete for dominance.
Deciding Right
‘Good decision-making is a learnt skill and must be exercised like a muscle to build strength,’ say leadership coaches Annette Geffert and Diane Brown, authors of A Toolbox For Our Daughters (New World Library). Positive growth and change require the development of what they call our ‘internal decision-making centre or ‘connected inner guide’. Unchecked, the head and the heart have no desire for balance - each pushes hard for control, and when one is allowed to dominate it’s at the expense of the other. But both are needed for us to function ‘in harmony and balance’.
From our late teens through our 20s, our behavior tends to be more heart-driven, says Scogings. ‘In ancient tradition, the heart is the seat of authentic intelligence and it’s important to listen to it. But because you’re still emotionally immature, your heartfelt actions will often be impulsive and need to be tempered with reason until you can use the two more equally, usually around age 30. Permanent contentment will grow out of a balance between heartfelt and logical choices.’
Krummeck agrees. ‘We need to acknowledge whether we are predominantly heart-or head-driven, then consciously step into the opposite space for a while when we make decisions. If that’s too hard we need to seek mediation or advice from a trusted friend who operates in that opposite space and can play devil’s advocate, or from a coach or counselor.’
Recent research at the University of Amsterdam shows that most people use a head approach for deciding simpler, more practical things, such as whether to buy a toaster, considering features such as price, brand and quality. But when it comes to more important decisions, for instance whether to buy a house or get married, they’re mostly swayed by the heart. And this may well be for the best - in recent tests at the University of Otago in New Zealand, psychologist Dr Jamin Halberstadt demonstrated that intuitive or ‘heart’ decision-making often leads to more accurate or better-quality decisions than an analytic head approach. ‘Analyzing reasons can impair judgment,’ he reported.
So what’s our best approach? ‘Weigh things up logically,’ advises Krummeck. (See ‘Guide to decide’.) Then go with your heart. Client after client tells me ‘If only I’d followed my heart early in life.’ It’s estimated 65% to 70% of people in the world are happy. The rest are mostly unhappy because they didn’t listen to their hearts and pursued security and money instead of what excited them. They listened to their heads. This has a profound effect throughout our lives.’
When we pursue our passion, says Krummeck, we tend to be more joyful. This brings about a physiological change in our bodies - our heartbeat actually becomes more regular, stress levels drop and we’re more at peace. ‘Heart decisions tend to be ‘love-driven’, positive and energizing, while head ones can be fear-driven, negative and debilitating.’ The way you feel after making a decision will indicate whether it’s right for you. If you’re tense and stressed, rethink it. If you’re relaxed and content, it’s almost certainly the right decision for you, at least for now.
‘Don’t look for perfection,’ concludes Krummeck. This is an imperfect universe. Remember: avoiding making a decision is to make a decision by default - often one that puts your life on hold. ‘Be glad you have the power to choose, choose as well as you can, and follow through on the choice. Learn whatever you can from it. You will grow in the process’.
Jul
29
Parenting Tips for Healthy Kids : Positive Affirmations for Kids
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
expertvillage asked:
Everyone needs positive reinforcement. Get tips for praising your kids in this free video series about keeping your kids mentally and physically healthy.
Jul
27
*CeLiNe~FrEnChAdO* asked:
ive never really had to think of ways to get my babies to behave.
recently, however, i got criticised on spoiling them and not being a good parent.
I’m not so good at setting boundaries, parent-wise, so I’m looking on some tips and expectations that should apply to my kids.
some simple responsibility tips for my kids would be more than helpful.
my little princess is 6 and my stepson is 3.
thanks guys.
ive never really had to think of ways to get my babies to behave.
recently, however, i got criticised on spoiling them and not being a good parent.
I’m not so good at setting boundaries, parent-wise, so I’m looking on some tips and expectations that should apply to my kids.
some simple responsibility tips for my kids would be more than helpful.
my little princess is 6 and my stepson is 3.
thanks guys.
Jul
26
Are you Happy?
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
Daegan Smith asked:
There are many things in this world that makes someone feel happy. For some it is material, others it is spiritual and for some a personal feat. The definition of being happy is different for every individual and this all depends on what that person values in life. Here are a few things that anyone can be happy about;
In some societies, having a family is enough to be happy. By having parents as role models who continue to care about the children even if these kids are all grown-up and siblings who support one another through thick and thin. These are just some of the things that orphans or people who come from broken families wish were available and some individuals who do have take for granted.
There is a saying that goes no man is an island. Having friends during both good times and bad is something important. If these people donít give comfort and advice when things donít turn out right, then these individuals donít deserve to be called such and one should just look for people who do.
The love that family or friends can give to some is not enough. A person needs something more special than that which is why one gets into a relationship. By doing an activity that both like to do and finding a connection there is a good chance that this person could be the one that the individual would like to spend the rest of eternity with.
Doing something one enjoys and loves is another. Any person who stays a year or more in any job continues to do so not just because of the money but because that person is having fun. It is hard to do anything if one does not have the heart or passion for it. Should that person come to that point, then perhaps a change in career is needed.
It is better to give than to receive and if that person has a lot of love to give, then one can share it by joining a volunteer group that helps people. There are many places that an individual can join such as the nursing home, hospitals, non-government and non-profit organizations.
Stress leads to a lot of health related sicknesses and at times death. One must accept that there are many things in this world that are uncontrollable and worrying about it doesnít help. By being aware of this and focusing only on what the person can do, it will help the person concentrate on the things that are important.
Studies have shown that engaging in any form of exercise increases the amount of endorphins produced by the brain and thus makes the person feel happy. Being healthy and in good physical condition is something a person can show off and be proud.
There are things that may upset a person. By completely ignoring it or not paying that much attention to it will help in preventing that individualís day to be ruined.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. By using more of the talents and gifts that a person has instead of wishing for things that arenít present, it will make the person feel happy and not envious of other people.
Man evolves in the surroundings. By learning from mistakes and experiences, people improve. By remembering the times in oneís life where the individual has touched the lives of others, a person has brought happiness from the one who gave it to the one who received it.
Being happy or how to be happy is not something that anyone can tell a person. It doesnít end by getting that dream job or getting married. It is a continuous process that the individual must pursue everyday. Praying can help a person seek happiness by asking for guidance from above.
Everyone has a happy place. Be it a special event in ones life, watching the sunset or just being in solitude.
Showing love and happiness doesnít only have to happen during Christmas. It can be done everyday like giving a compliment to someone who has done a good job and encouraging the person to do more can really go a long way. It has an effect on people which brightens the day and will also let one share it with another.
There are many things in this world that makes someone feel happy. For some it is material, others it is spiritual and for some a personal feat. The definition of being happy is different for every individual and this all depends on what that person values in life. Here are a few things that anyone can be happy about;
In some societies, having a family is enough to be happy. By having parents as role models who continue to care about the children even if these kids are all grown-up and siblings who support one another through thick and thin. These are just some of the things that orphans or people who come from broken families wish were available and some individuals who do have take for granted.
There is a saying that goes no man is an island. Having friends during both good times and bad is something important. If these people donít give comfort and advice when things donít turn out right, then these individuals donít deserve to be called such and one should just look for people who do.
The love that family or friends can give to some is not enough. A person needs something more special than that which is why one gets into a relationship. By doing an activity that both like to do and finding a connection there is a good chance that this person could be the one that the individual would like to spend the rest of eternity with.
Doing something one enjoys and loves is another. Any person who stays a year or more in any job continues to do so not just because of the money but because that person is having fun. It is hard to do anything if one does not have the heart or passion for it. Should that person come to that point, then perhaps a change in career is needed.
It is better to give than to receive and if that person has a lot of love to give, then one can share it by joining a volunteer group that helps people. There are many places that an individual can join such as the nursing home, hospitals, non-government and non-profit organizations.
Stress leads to a lot of health related sicknesses and at times death. One must accept that there are many things in this world that are uncontrollable and worrying about it doesnít help. By being aware of this and focusing only on what the person can do, it will help the person concentrate on the things that are important.
Studies have shown that engaging in any form of exercise increases the amount of endorphins produced by the brain and thus makes the person feel happy. Being healthy and in good physical condition is something a person can show off and be proud.
There are things that may upset a person. By completely ignoring it or not paying that much attention to it will help in preventing that individualís day to be ruined.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. By using more of the talents and gifts that a person has instead of wishing for things that arenít present, it will make the person feel happy and not envious of other people.
Man evolves in the surroundings. By learning from mistakes and experiences, people improve. By remembering the times in oneís life where the individual has touched the lives of others, a person has brought happiness from the one who gave it to the one who received it.
Being happy or how to be happy is not something that anyone can tell a person. It doesnít end by getting that dream job or getting married. It is a continuous process that the individual must pursue everyday. Praying can help a person seek happiness by asking for guidance from above.
Everyone has a happy place. Be it a special event in ones life, watching the sunset or just being in solitude.
Showing love and happiness doesnít only have to happen during Christmas. It can be done everyday like giving a compliment to someone who has done a good job and encouraging the person to do more can really go a long way. It has an effect on people which brightens the day and will also let one share it with another.
Jul
20
Neil Harper asked:
Did you know that babies can develop high blood pressure? Many might think of this as uncommon but it really isn’t. When babies have high blood pressure it is usually because they are premature or have a kidney or a heart problem. When older children have high blood pressure it is usually a result of their family history.
As you might have noticed there is an increase in obesity in children today. This also increases their chances of developing high blood pressure, putting them at a greater risk of developing health problems. A great way to prevent this is to have your child’s blood pressure checked often as they get older.
Some other ways to help are by watching your child’s diet and making sure they get plenty of exercise. Some kids are not as active today what with video games and all. Get your child involved in sports or some other activities on a regular basis form an early age. It will benefit them health wise as well as boost their self esteem later down the road.
Just like adults, it is easy to control your child’s blood pressure. Watch their diet, especially in the area of snack foods. Be sure they are getting the right nutrition and limit their intake of salt. Get them eating fresh fruits and vegetables. While many children don’t like vegetables, there are many ways to overcome this. You can spice up any recipe that involves vegetables.
Physical activity is a big key to any healthy lifestyle. Getting your child involved in physical activity while young will help ensure they stay active and healthy as they get older. Involve them in a sport of their choosing and take walks with them. Both of you will benefit from this.
If your family has a history of high blood pressure, be sure your children get routine check ups. This will help to ensure they do not develop high blood pressure and if they do, you can start controlling it. Remember stress can raise blood pressure and while children shouldn’t be stressed, many of them are.
Children deal with stress just like adults, just in different ways. Talk with your child and stay active in their life and what goes on. You want them to have a happy and healthy life and you can help them achieve that goal.
If you are unable to control your child’s blood pressure through their diet and exercise, you might have to turn to medication. Talk with your doctor and let them know what you have already tried. Sometimes this is not enough alone, but with medication, you can help control it.
Exercise and spend time with your child every day. Exercising alone can be hard for children and adults alike. You can get involved with your child this way and it will benefit both of you.
Talk with your teenager about not smoking and drinking. These both cause high blood pressure and once they know the risks they are less likely to try them. Do not think your child is immune from developing any health problems along with high blood pressure.
Remember that blood pressure increases with age until you are around fifty. If you get a head start on watching yours and your child’s at an early age, you will both benefit very well in the end.
Did you know that babies can develop high blood pressure? Many might think of this as uncommon but it really isn’t. When babies have high blood pressure it is usually because they are premature or have a kidney or a heart problem. When older children have high blood pressure it is usually a result of their family history.
As you might have noticed there is an increase in obesity in children today. This also increases their chances of developing high blood pressure, putting them at a greater risk of developing health problems. A great way to prevent this is to have your child’s blood pressure checked often as they get older.
Some other ways to help are by watching your child’s diet and making sure they get plenty of exercise. Some kids are not as active today what with video games and all. Get your child involved in sports or some other activities on a regular basis form an early age. It will benefit them health wise as well as boost their self esteem later down the road.
Just like adults, it is easy to control your child’s blood pressure. Watch their diet, especially in the area of snack foods. Be sure they are getting the right nutrition and limit their intake of salt. Get them eating fresh fruits and vegetables. While many children don’t like vegetables, there are many ways to overcome this. You can spice up any recipe that involves vegetables.
Physical activity is a big key to any healthy lifestyle. Getting your child involved in physical activity while young will help ensure they stay active and healthy as they get older. Involve them in a sport of their choosing and take walks with them. Both of you will benefit from this.
If your family has a history of high blood pressure, be sure your children get routine check ups. This will help to ensure they do not develop high blood pressure and if they do, you can start controlling it. Remember stress can raise blood pressure and while children shouldn’t be stressed, many of them are.
Children deal with stress just like adults, just in different ways. Talk with your child and stay active in their life and what goes on. You want them to have a happy and healthy life and you can help them achieve that goal.
If you are unable to control your child’s blood pressure through their diet and exercise, you might have to turn to medication. Talk with your doctor and let them know what you have already tried. Sometimes this is not enough alone, but with medication, you can help control it.
Exercise and spend time with your child every day. Exercising alone can be hard for children and adults alike. You can get involved with your child this way and it will benefit both of you.
Talk with your teenager about not smoking and drinking. These both cause high blood pressure and once they know the risks they are less likely to try them. Do not think your child is immune from developing any health problems along with high blood pressure.
Remember that blood pressure increases with age until you are around fifty. If you get a head start on watching yours and your child’s at an early age, you will both benefit very well in the end.
Jul
20
Even God Failed to Keep This Man Happy
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
Dalip Singh Wasan asked:
Even God failed to keep this man happy
Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.
We, all the people on this earth must accept that none is happy on this earth. The people who are looking happy and satisfied, when we go in them, we find that those people too have got their own worries and therefore, they too are under tension and worries. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches and therefore, we should take it for granted that none on this earth is happy and fully satisfied. What he prays before God openly or secretly that shall tell what is in his mind and what is in his heart. The demands of this man are endless and therefore, if some demands are fulfilled, it does not mean that the stock of demands is over.
Man is born with demands and all his struggle in life he is found having more and more demands and he is found struggling at every stage. Even richest persons on this earth have got some demands which are still unfulfilled and they are sad and they are found struggling for the fulfillments of those demands. And this fact present in the psychology of each person is good and this is the main force which is bringing this man ahead and he had been making discoveries and inventions and he had been writing things for others.
If we go deep every living being is in danger and this man is also in danger. He knows that whatever he has could be taken away by God Himself, by thieves, by dacoits, by people who are in power and therefore, much time, energy and power is wasted in keeping our things safe from others. We do not know what shall happen to us next moment and therefore, this fact of life never allows us to live a free life. We have got so many responsibilities of our wife, of our parents, of our children, in the office or at our work places and we have got worries about our income and about our expenses. We are having so many works pending with us and we have appeared in examination and we are nor sure what would be our result. We do not know whether our children shall be helpful when we shall be old and infirm and we are also not sure that the money we have in banks shall be returned to us or the banks could be liquidated and nothing shall be returned to us. We have got no faith in governments even because it is on record that they are giving us one thing today and there are chances that they shall be withdrawing all the concessions and rebates next moment.
We are married and some people are found worrying that their life partner is not faithful to them and there are chances of separation and chances of divorce. The wife is not happy because her husband is not helping her when she is at war with other females in the house and when some other male member overpowers her for his *** enjoyment. The children are not happy with their parents because what the children demand and desire, the parents are not in a position to meet their demands and fulfill their desires.
The people are not happy and satisfied with the functioning of government in the country. They have so many objections and complaints, but none is listening to them and they are worrying that the present governments shall destroy the country and shall turn the country bankrupt. Man on this earth has committed so many sins, so many crimes, so many misconducts and he is worrying that one day all these secrets shall come out and disclosed to others and he shall be suffering at the hands of the family, at t he hands of the society around him and he shall be suffering at the hands of the state who can send him to jail. The man himself knows that he is a criminal because he has committed so many crimes which are kept secret with him and he is always trying to conceal those facts of his life.
The future of this man is never sure and therefore, even God would not be competent to make this man happy and satisfied and free of all tension. It seems God Himself had given all these blessings to this man so that he should be alive and should be struggling in life. Had there been no worries, this man might have condemned to stagnation and what he could achieve, he could have failed in all the ventures. Allo these worries, all these tensions, all these failures and all weaknesses in man on this earth are boosting him to rtise and be alive and that is the reason, this man could start from jungle age and has come to this age where he has started probing into the skies. Therefore, we all should take all these tensions and worries as gifts of God which are prompting us to go ahead and be at work at all the times. All these worries are blessings in disguise.
Even God failed to keep this man happy
Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.
We, all the people on this earth must accept that none is happy on this earth. The people who are looking happy and satisfied, when we go in them, we find that those people too have got their own worries and therefore, they too are under tension and worries. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches and therefore, we should take it for granted that none on this earth is happy and fully satisfied. What he prays before God openly or secretly that shall tell what is in his mind and what is in his heart. The demands of this man are endless and therefore, if some demands are fulfilled, it does not mean that the stock of demands is over.
Man is born with demands and all his struggle in life he is found having more and more demands and he is found struggling at every stage. Even richest persons on this earth have got some demands which are still unfulfilled and they are sad and they are found struggling for the fulfillments of those demands. And this fact present in the psychology of each person is good and this is the main force which is bringing this man ahead and he had been making discoveries and inventions and he had been writing things for others.
If we go deep every living being is in danger and this man is also in danger. He knows that whatever he has could be taken away by God Himself, by thieves, by dacoits, by people who are in power and therefore, much time, energy and power is wasted in keeping our things safe from others. We do not know what shall happen to us next moment and therefore, this fact of life never allows us to live a free life. We have got so many responsibilities of our wife, of our parents, of our children, in the office or at our work places and we have got worries about our income and about our expenses. We are having so many works pending with us and we have appeared in examination and we are nor sure what would be our result. We do not know whether our children shall be helpful when we shall be old and infirm and we are also not sure that the money we have in banks shall be returned to us or the banks could be liquidated and nothing shall be returned to us. We have got no faith in governments even because it is on record that they are giving us one thing today and there are chances that they shall be withdrawing all the concessions and rebates next moment.
We are married and some people are found worrying that their life partner is not faithful to them and there are chances of separation and chances of divorce. The wife is not happy because her husband is not helping her when she is at war with other females in the house and when some other male member overpowers her for his *** enjoyment. The children are not happy with their parents because what the children demand and desire, the parents are not in a position to meet their demands and fulfill their desires.
The people are not happy and satisfied with the functioning of government in the country. They have so many objections and complaints, but none is listening to them and they are worrying that the present governments shall destroy the country and shall turn the country bankrupt. Man on this earth has committed so many sins, so many crimes, so many misconducts and he is worrying that one day all these secrets shall come out and disclosed to others and he shall be suffering at the hands of the family, at t he hands of the society around him and he shall be suffering at the hands of the state who can send him to jail. The man himself knows that he is a criminal because he has committed so many crimes which are kept secret with him and he is always trying to conceal those facts of his life.
The future of this man is never sure and therefore, even God would not be competent to make this man happy and satisfied and free of all tension. It seems God Himself had given all these blessings to this man so that he should be alive and should be struggling in life. Had there been no worries, this man might have condemned to stagnation and what he could achieve, he could have failed in all the ventures. Allo these worries, all these tensions, all these failures and all weaknesses in man on this earth are boosting him to rtise and be alive and that is the reason, this man could start from jungle age and has come to this age where he has started probing into the skies. Therefore, we all should take all these tensions and worries as gifts of God which are prompting us to go ahead and be at work at all the times. All these worries are blessings in disguise.
Jul
16
Colleen Langenfeld asked:
Is the after-school, after-work routine creating a crazy, chaotic homelife for your family? Will all the end-of-the-day pressures that descend on the typical family these days, it’s no wonder parents feel frazzled and out-of-control.
I’ve been parenting for over 2 decades and have 4 busy children. Here are my top 3 parenting tips for putting the calm back into your family’s evening routine.
1. Plan it out.
Sometimes chaos comes from everyone needing to unwind at once. Of course, your kids have very little maturity to deal with the fatigue and over-stimulation that comes with a typical day. As the parent, you have to be willing to delay your own need for calm and get the rest of the troops in line first. When your family has a sense of order and control, you’ll feel much calmer, too.
Start with planning out what needs to happen in your evening. Baths, homework, dinner, sports activities all need to be written down. If you attempt to do laundry or cleaning in the evening, write that down, too.
Next write down the amount of time each of those items takes to do (be honest and reasonable). Now add up the times and compare the total to what time you actually have between the hours of after-work and bedtime.
If you’re like many families, something’s gotta give! This simple exercise will help you see why you are frustrated day in and day out. This is where the rubber meets the road; to have a calmer household you’ll need to make the activities you desire fit into your schedule. This often means cutting something out!
Trust me, you’ll never miss whatever you let go of. Take back the time to actually hug and communicate with your children by giving up the activities that don’t directly contribute to family growth. For example, a lot of great conversations can be had between parents and children while cleaning a bathroom. And let’s face it, cleaning bathrooms has to happen!
But usually very little communication can happen between you and your child while they’re on the sports field. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done plenty of sports over the years and know how great they can be for teaching all types of values. But if your family is reeling in chaos each evening, you’re looking for soothing parenting tips, not high-achievement ideas.
2. Streamline and get organized.
Everyday activities like meal-planning can either produce joy or chaos in a family’s day. Do you have to spend time each evening deciding what’s for dinner, scrounging for ingredients and feeling resentful you have to give up so much time to something you don’t want to do?
Or do you just give in most evenings and either eat out or use take-out food? This is fine if it’s in your budget, but if it’s not, you are simply increasing your stress load which will inevitably spill over into your family time.
There are many effective menu-planning tools available today that can cut your time in the kitchen. Honestly, a smart parenting tip is to help you see that involving your kids in the evening meal routine is one of the easiest ways to add calm to a family.
Depending upon their ages, children can help
– plan the meals.
– shop for the meals, understanding both budgetary and nutritional concerns.
– set the table and help with the clean-up.
– cook the meals with supervision.
The same goes for laundry and cleaning duties, too. If one evening is laundry and cleaning night, then everyone pitches in and that’s the night for pizza. You’ll feel less scattered when the whole family is pulling together.
Of course, these tasks will all go much faster once everyone is trained, practiced and comes to expect that family involvement is a part of the evening agenda.
3. Establish routines.
I’m sure you’ve heard parenting tips like this one before and for good reason. Unfinished homework, lost supplies, missing articles of clothing, and forgotten lunches just add to the chaos level in any home. So abolish them! Establish a place for each family member’s daily stuff (just a basket or bin will do nicely) and remind daily to use them until habits are established.
Hey, you’re going to have to be serious about this one, Mom or Dad. My kids know I would even call them home from their friends’ houses simply to have them pick something up they neglected to put away in the right place before they went off to have fun.
Over the top? Not when you remember your job as a parent is to teach the types of habits that will produce appropriate adult behavior someday. Trust me, you’ll only have to do these kinds of ‘reminders’ a handful of times. Your kids are very bright. They’ll get the message extremely quickly.
Make a game with your kids about developing routines.
– Who can figure out the smartest way to put together a lunchbox station in the kitchen?
– Who sets down to do their homework first, with no complaining?
– Set a timer and see who can get their stuff ready for the next day the fastest.
– Give little prizes for shaving off time in doing everyday duties.
Set the rule that everyone in the household does work before play. You’ll be amazed at the change in your home’s stress levels. One step at a time.
Parenting tips come and go, but the basics in what a family needs don’t change. If you’re looking to calm down the evenings in your home, take a few minutes to plan out what’s important to you, streamline your processes, and establish routines that save time and sanity.
And your reward? How about a quiet time before bed?
Is the after-school, after-work routine creating a crazy, chaotic homelife for your family? Will all the end-of-the-day pressures that descend on the typical family these days, it’s no wonder parents feel frazzled and out-of-control.
I’ve been parenting for over 2 decades and have 4 busy children. Here are my top 3 parenting tips for putting the calm back into your family’s evening routine.
1. Plan it out.
Sometimes chaos comes from everyone needing to unwind at once. Of course, your kids have very little maturity to deal with the fatigue and over-stimulation that comes with a typical day. As the parent, you have to be willing to delay your own need for calm and get the rest of the troops in line first. When your family has a sense of order and control, you’ll feel much calmer, too.
Start with planning out what needs to happen in your evening. Baths, homework, dinner, sports activities all need to be written down. If you attempt to do laundry or cleaning in the evening, write that down, too.
Next write down the amount of time each of those items takes to do (be honest and reasonable). Now add up the times and compare the total to what time you actually have between the hours of after-work and bedtime.
If you’re like many families, something’s gotta give! This simple exercise will help you see why you are frustrated day in and day out. This is where the rubber meets the road; to have a calmer household you’ll need to make the activities you desire fit into your schedule. This often means cutting something out!
Trust me, you’ll never miss whatever you let go of. Take back the time to actually hug and communicate with your children by giving up the activities that don’t directly contribute to family growth. For example, a lot of great conversations can be had between parents and children while cleaning a bathroom. And let’s face it, cleaning bathrooms has to happen!
But usually very little communication can happen between you and your child while they’re on the sports field. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done plenty of sports over the years and know how great they can be for teaching all types of values. But if your family is reeling in chaos each evening, you’re looking for soothing parenting tips, not high-achievement ideas.
2. Streamline and get organized.
Everyday activities like meal-planning can either produce joy or chaos in a family’s day. Do you have to spend time each evening deciding what’s for dinner, scrounging for ingredients and feeling resentful you have to give up so much time to something you don’t want to do?
Or do you just give in most evenings and either eat out or use take-out food? This is fine if it’s in your budget, but if it’s not, you are simply increasing your stress load which will inevitably spill over into your family time.
There are many effective menu-planning tools available today that can cut your time in the kitchen. Honestly, a smart parenting tip is to help you see that involving your kids in the evening meal routine is one of the easiest ways to add calm to a family.
Depending upon their ages, children can help
– plan the meals.
– shop for the meals, understanding both budgetary and nutritional concerns.
– set the table and help with the clean-up.
– cook the meals with supervision.
The same goes for laundry and cleaning duties, too. If one evening is laundry and cleaning night, then everyone pitches in and that’s the night for pizza. You’ll feel less scattered when the whole family is pulling together.
Of course, these tasks will all go much faster once everyone is trained, practiced and comes to expect that family involvement is a part of the evening agenda.
3. Establish routines.
I’m sure you’ve heard parenting tips like this one before and for good reason. Unfinished homework, lost supplies, missing articles of clothing, and forgotten lunches just add to the chaos level in any home. So abolish them! Establish a place for each family member’s daily stuff (just a basket or bin will do nicely) and remind daily to use them until habits are established.
Hey, you’re going to have to be serious about this one, Mom or Dad. My kids know I would even call them home from their friends’ houses simply to have them pick something up they neglected to put away in the right place before they went off to have fun.
Over the top? Not when you remember your job as a parent is to teach the types of habits that will produce appropriate adult behavior someday. Trust me, you’ll only have to do these kinds of ‘reminders’ a handful of times. Your kids are very bright. They’ll get the message extremely quickly.
Make a game with your kids about developing routines.
– Who can figure out the smartest way to put together a lunchbox station in the kitchen?
– Who sets down to do their homework first, with no complaining?
– Set a timer and see who can get their stuff ready for the next day the fastest.
– Give little prizes for shaving off time in doing everyday duties.
Set the rule that everyone in the household does work before play. You’ll be amazed at the change in your home’s stress levels. One step at a time.
Parenting tips come and go, but the basics in what a family needs don’t change. If you’re looking to calm down the evenings in your home, take a few minutes to plan out what’s important to you, streamline your processes, and establish routines that save time and sanity.
And your reward? How about a quiet time before bed?
Jul
14
My dog has congestive heart failure, but he was fine and happy before the diagnosis. Now on Lasix - doing bad
Filed Under Dogs | 4 Comments
tysomm asked:
My dog was wheezing and hacking, especially when excited, more in the last few weeks.He was happy though - good appetite, long walks, good attitude.
My dog was wheezing and hacking, especially when excited, more in the last few weeks.He was happy though - good appetite, long walks, good attitude.
I took him to the vet - xray showed enlarged heart and fluid around lungs.He Rx’d lasix and theodur.Now he’s unhappy, won’t eat, takes short walks.He’s worse off than before the vet visit. I want to treat the heart, but can’t stand the unhappiness. I stopped the theodur (vet said ok) and only on lasix now, but still unhappy.What do I do?
BTW, I blame much of it on my choice of diet for him. I won’t be giving him bad quality food that is marketed as good for them (ie, hills, eukanuba, beneful), even vet recommended ones aren’t good (vets don’t know it all)-cause a host of ailments allergy. Pls all doggie parents,feed your doggies well. I’m switching to Wellness brand(all natural)-what you can buy at Whole Foods is much better.See this post on better things for doggie: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080622143114AA9YZ5E
Jul
13
antoinette sifis asked:
4 key principles in having success and happiness
Have you ever wondered how it is that certain people seem to have everything they want, they sail through their careers, have incredible relationships, a circle of amazing friends, drive their dream car, live in their their dream home, travel when they choose, are spiritual, humble, confident, vibrant, energetic, they seem to constantly get what they want? Question is, are they really that different to you or I? If they can have that level of success, do you think maybe you and I could too? What are they doing that is different to what you are doing or moreso, what is it that theyre doing that you are not?
The key difference lies in their mindset, how they think and that is a reflection in part of their values, beliefs, focus and attitude. By attitude, this isn’t solely about having a positive attitude, its about a real attitude and what I mean by that, its the real you coming to the surface, the person who you know you are at a core level, the person you are if you could really shine. It is the version of you living out your true potential and giving yourself permission to do want you really want to do and achieve what you really want to achieve in your own life. Lets explore what this all means a little further.
1.KNOW YOUR OUTCOME – WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Stop for a moment and blatantly ask yourself this question. What is it that you want? Think about this further…what do you want to see, hear, feel, do, be, have in your life? What is your purpose? When you are 92 and looking back on your life, what is it that will absolutely stand out for you. Will it be love, laughter, guilt, accomplishments.? What is it so that when you are at the end and looking back you will have no regrets. In your minds eye, picture who you have become. How do you define yourself, what is your role? Are you a parent, a teacher, a humanitarian, a comedian, a leader, an environmentalist, an entrepreneur, politician? Define who you are now and who you will further become?
This is about realising the ‘why’ in doing what you are doing. What is the big picture for you? What do you want to see in your life that isnt currently there? This is about going to work not just in your life - on your life, choosing to live, think, act with volition. What do you wish your life to look like? How do you wish to live on a day to day basis? What will you be doing, seeing, hearing feeling to know you are truly living your life with purpose? How is that different to now? What is missing ?
There are so many people who go about their lives just getting whatever turns up, taking whatever comes along…I remember talking to a friend and asking her ‘what are you going to be doing in the year ahead’ and she said, ‘I don’t know, whatever’. As a coach, I found that really interesting, quite suprising yet so many people spend more time and effort in planning their weekend or their next getaway then they do on planning their lives.
Now, thats OK for some, but for those of you who truly want to live your life on purpose, the first thing youve got to know, define or be curious about is what do you want. Explore this further now, this can be about your lifelong dreams, your goals, what you absolutely have a passion for. What lives in your heart? What is the one thing that if you had it, you would have happiness and success at a core level?
By knowing this and keeping it in sight, it works as does a compass, guiding you through so that you are making choices, actions, decisions that move you closer to your goal. You simply must figure out what it is you want in your life, not just what you want ultimately when you get to the end and you’re looking back, what do you want moment to moment, day by day to experience.
Next is, is it worth doing? Is whatever you are doing, whether you are with friends, your family, in your career, your health, wherever you are placing your energy, is it worth doing? Ask yourself, what is my outcome? What is it that I am looking to achieve out of this situation and is it moving me closer to my goals?
So the first principle of happiness and success is to know your outcome, be really clear on it so no matter what situation youre in, no matter how challenging it is, you have the ability to shift your focus to the outcome you want. You can apply this information in all areas of your life, in your career, in business, in sales, relationships, in your health, whatever you are doing ask yourself, ‘ok so what is the outcome I am truly looking for?’ By shifting your focus to the solution, you will get more answers, choices, opportunities, ways of moving forward.
2.BE FLEXIBLE IN YOUR BEHAVIOUR to do things differently.
The more prepared you are to think and act differently, the more opportunities will come your way, the more choices you will have. This is about having sensory acuity, a heightened self awareness to recognise whether what you are doing is effective or not and by effective meaning ‘is it moving you closer to what you want, is it producing the results you want?
This is where you have to step up a notch, learn to pay attention to your actions vs your results , because if youre not being effective and you keep on doing the same thing, its pretty much to quote Einstein, the definition of insanity, to continually do the same thing over and over and expect to get a different outcome. To get a different outcome youve gotta be willing to go with a different approach.
Can you think of someone you know, who maybe for years even decades has done the same thing over and over, has been stuck in the same job, stuck in the same relationship, is always negative? They may have the sensory acuity to know its not working, its not how they want it to be, yet are not prepared to have flexibility in their behaviour to create the change they want to see. Youve got to be willing to build the muscle around your behaviours, ask yourself - ‘How can I behave differently to influence the results I’m getting?’ A rigid person will look at how other people or the world should change, a flexible person will think about how they themselves can change in order to bring about that change. To create change, be the change.
3.CAUSE VS EFFECT - Taking responsibility for the results you are getting
How do you live your life, at cause or at effect? Are you in the drivers seat or in the passengers seat of your life? Are you a person who causes things to happen in their life or are you the person who is at effect of things happening to them?
Being at cause is being in the drivers seat, the buck stops with me. You are creating what you want in your life and you take responsibility for what is working, what isn’t, what you have achieved and what you haven’t. You realise you have choices in what you do, in how you react to people and events. Being at cause means you are taking ownership of your feelings and the results you are getting in your relationships, health, finances, career.
Being at effect is being in the passengers seat – you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods, for what you haven’t achieved or even for your life in general. You may feel powerless or depend on others so that you feel good about yourself or about life. People at effect will be able to tell you why they are not successful – it was my ex wife, my parents, I didn’t get the breaks I deserved, the market, the school,, my boss, my business partner, I cant do it because I am the wrong race, color, religion, I don’t have the education, too old too young, and all the reasons that people have.
Whilst these stories may be true, is living at this level, within those limits going to get you what you want? Whatever you tell yourself about why you cant, that’s your story, you get to stay in your comfort zone. Question is, which side is more empowering? Does believing its true allow you to have the quality of life you want? Does believing its true allow the real you to shine through?
The difference between people who have achieved success and everyone else is that successful people create their lives actively, with volition, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next , wishing waiting and hoping that things will work out the way they hoped it would.
What do I mean about getting to work on your life? Its living out the vision of your future in the present. Compare what youve done with what you intend to do and where there is a gap between the two, make up the difference with new tools, knowledge, self development strategies.
I invite you to give up defending your limitations.The more you defend the less you’ll know. Learn to be the best you can be. This isn’t about blame, its about knowing that if it isn’t going the way you want it , you always have a way of turning it around, - Responsibilty – the ability to respond.
4.TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION
There is simply no other way in terms of producing the results you want in your life. These techniques absolutely have value in the moment you choose to apply them. The best ideas and laid out plans will only continue to be thoughts swimming around in your head unless you take action. Turn off the TV and go to work on the most important asset you have – YOU.
The smartest people in the world will never get known if they simply sit or wait or wish or hope for things to be different, they simply must get up and they must start applying these great ideas. To create success, you’ve got to take action, it doesnt have to be massive, mind boggling action, it can be about setting yourself the tiniest steps, little steps that will make the difference every single day, because I believe its what you do consistently, with focus, determination and tenacity that will get you there in the end.
‘Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating’
Denis Waitley
4 key principles in having success and happiness
Have you ever wondered how it is that certain people seem to have everything they want, they sail through their careers, have incredible relationships, a circle of amazing friends, drive their dream car, live in their their dream home, travel when they choose, are spiritual, humble, confident, vibrant, energetic, they seem to constantly get what they want? Question is, are they really that different to you or I? If they can have that level of success, do you think maybe you and I could too? What are they doing that is different to what you are doing or moreso, what is it that theyre doing that you are not?
The key difference lies in their mindset, how they think and that is a reflection in part of their values, beliefs, focus and attitude. By attitude, this isn’t solely about having a positive attitude, its about a real attitude and what I mean by that, its the real you coming to the surface, the person who you know you are at a core level, the person you are if you could really shine. It is the version of you living out your true potential and giving yourself permission to do want you really want to do and achieve what you really want to achieve in your own life. Lets explore what this all means a little further.
1.KNOW YOUR OUTCOME – WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Stop for a moment and blatantly ask yourself this question. What is it that you want? Think about this further…what do you want to see, hear, feel, do, be, have in your life? What is your purpose? When you are 92 and looking back on your life, what is it that will absolutely stand out for you. Will it be love, laughter, guilt, accomplishments.? What is it so that when you are at the end and looking back you will have no regrets. In your minds eye, picture who you have become. How do you define yourself, what is your role? Are you a parent, a teacher, a humanitarian, a comedian, a leader, an environmentalist, an entrepreneur, politician? Define who you are now and who you will further become?
This is about realising the ‘why’ in doing what you are doing. What is the big picture for you? What do you want to see in your life that isnt currently there? This is about going to work not just in your life - on your life, choosing to live, think, act with volition. What do you wish your life to look like? How do you wish to live on a day to day basis? What will you be doing, seeing, hearing feeling to know you are truly living your life with purpose? How is that different to now? What is missing ?
There are so many people who go about their lives just getting whatever turns up, taking whatever comes along…I remember talking to a friend and asking her ‘what are you going to be doing in the year ahead’ and she said, ‘I don’t know, whatever’. As a coach, I found that really interesting, quite suprising yet so many people spend more time and effort in planning their weekend or their next getaway then they do on planning their lives.
Now, thats OK for some, but for those of you who truly want to live your life on purpose, the first thing youve got to know, define or be curious about is what do you want. Explore this further now, this can be about your lifelong dreams, your goals, what you absolutely have a passion for. What lives in your heart? What is the one thing that if you had it, you would have happiness and success at a core level?
By knowing this and keeping it in sight, it works as does a compass, guiding you through so that you are making choices, actions, decisions that move you closer to your goal. You simply must figure out what it is you want in your life, not just what you want ultimately when you get to the end and you’re looking back, what do you want moment to moment, day by day to experience.
Next is, is it worth doing? Is whatever you are doing, whether you are with friends, your family, in your career, your health, wherever you are placing your energy, is it worth doing? Ask yourself, what is my outcome? What is it that I am looking to achieve out of this situation and is it moving me closer to my goals?
So the first principle of happiness and success is to know your outcome, be really clear on it so no matter what situation youre in, no matter how challenging it is, you have the ability to shift your focus to the outcome you want. You can apply this information in all areas of your life, in your career, in business, in sales, relationships, in your health, whatever you are doing ask yourself, ‘ok so what is the outcome I am truly looking for?’ By shifting your focus to the solution, you will get more answers, choices, opportunities, ways of moving forward.
2.BE FLEXIBLE IN YOUR BEHAVIOUR to do things differently.
The more prepared you are to think and act differently, the more opportunities will come your way, the more choices you will have. This is about having sensory acuity, a heightened self awareness to recognise whether what you are doing is effective or not and by effective meaning ‘is it moving you closer to what you want, is it producing the results you want?
This is where you have to step up a notch, learn to pay attention to your actions vs your results , because if youre not being effective and you keep on doing the same thing, its pretty much to quote Einstein, the definition of insanity, to continually do the same thing over and over and expect to get a different outcome. To get a different outcome youve gotta be willing to go with a different approach.
Can you think of someone you know, who maybe for years even decades has done the same thing over and over, has been stuck in the same job, stuck in the same relationship, is always negative? They may have the sensory acuity to know its not working, its not how they want it to be, yet are not prepared to have flexibility in their behaviour to create the change they want to see. Youve got to be willing to build the muscle around your behaviours, ask yourself - ‘How can I behave differently to influence the results I’m getting?’ A rigid person will look at how other people or the world should change, a flexible person will think about how they themselves can change in order to bring about that change. To create change, be the change.
3.CAUSE VS EFFECT - Taking responsibility for the results you are getting
How do you live your life, at cause or at effect? Are you in the drivers seat or in the passengers seat of your life? Are you a person who causes things to happen in their life or are you the person who is at effect of things happening to them?
Being at cause is being in the drivers seat, the buck stops with me. You are creating what you want in your life and you take responsibility for what is working, what isn’t, what you have achieved and what you haven’t. You realise you have choices in what you do, in how you react to people and events. Being at cause means you are taking ownership of your feelings and the results you are getting in your relationships, health, finances, career.
Being at effect is being in the passengers seat – you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods, for what you haven’t achieved or even for your life in general. You may feel powerless or depend on others so that you feel good about yourself or about life. People at effect will be able to tell you why they are not successful – it was my ex wife, my parents, I didn’t get the breaks I deserved, the market, the school,, my boss, my business partner, I cant do it because I am the wrong race, color, religion, I don’t have the education, too old too young, and all the reasons that people have.
Whilst these stories may be true, is living at this level, within those limits going to get you what you want? Whatever you tell yourself about why you cant, that’s your story, you get to stay in your comfort zone. Question is, which side is more empowering? Does believing its true allow you to have the quality of life you want? Does believing its true allow the real you to shine through?
The difference between people who have achieved success and everyone else is that successful people create their lives actively, with volition, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next , wishing waiting and hoping that things will work out the way they hoped it would.
What do I mean about getting to work on your life? Its living out the vision of your future in the present. Compare what youve done with what you intend to do and where there is a gap between the two, make up the difference with new tools, knowledge, self development strategies.
I invite you to give up defending your limitations.The more you defend the less you’ll know. Learn to be the best you can be. This isn’t about blame, its about knowing that if it isn’t going the way you want it , you always have a way of turning it around, - Responsibilty – the ability to respond.
4.TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION
There is simply no other way in terms of producing the results you want in your life. These techniques absolutely have value in the moment you choose to apply them. The best ideas and laid out plans will only continue to be thoughts swimming around in your head unless you take action. Turn off the TV and go to work on the most important asset you have – YOU.
The smartest people in the world will never get known if they simply sit or wait or wish or hope for things to be different, they simply must get up and they must start applying these great ideas. To create success, you’ve got to take action, it doesnt have to be massive, mind boggling action, it can be about setting yourself the tiniest steps, little steps that will make the difference every single day, because I believe its what you do consistently, with focus, determination and tenacity that will get you there in the end.
‘Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating’
Denis Waitley
Jul
10
Not follwing my dreams is breaking my heart?
Filed Under Parenting | 6 Comments
*vintage* asked:
I live in Baltimore and I’ve been going to community college for 2 and 1/2 semesters and I i just got into Towson University t o major in Business Administration with a concentration in Finance. My major used to be Music and I’ve played the piano since I was 10 but my parents were always stressing me to change my major cause there was no guaranteed future in music so I did. I so badly wanted to go to Berklee College of Music in Boston and just live my dream. Lately it’s been really bothering me that I am now unable to do this and I have to go to Towson. Although I feel like I’m passing up a great opportunity if I decide not to go there. I’m 21 and my boyfriend lives with me here in Baltimore. A part of me wants to stay here, but it’s breaking my heart thinking that I’m not going to do what truly makes me happy inside my heart by going to the school that I want to go to and learning what I want to learn. It is the most depressing feeling. Please help.
I live in Baltimore and I’ve been going to community college for 2 and 1/2 semesters and I i just got into Towson University t o major in Business Administration with a concentration in Finance. My major used to be Music and I’ve played the piano since I was 10 but my parents were always stressing me to change my major cause there was no guaranteed future in music so I did. I so badly wanted to go to Berklee College of Music in Boston and just live my dream. Lately it’s been really bothering me that I am now unable to do this and I have to go to Towson. Although I feel like I’m passing up a great opportunity if I decide not to go there. I’m 21 and my boyfriend lives with me here in Baltimore. A part of me wants to stay here, but it’s breaking my heart thinking that I’m not going to do what truly makes me happy inside my heart by going to the school that I want to go to and learning what I want to learn. It is the most depressing feeling. Please help.