Colleen Langenfeld asked:


Toddlers are FUN! They are also a lot of work. In order to maximize the fun times with these little guys, it really helps to stick with some tried-and-true strategies.

If your little guy or gal could speak, these might be their 10 parenting tips for their weary parents:

1. The fun in parenting me is just beginning.

Mom and Dad, I’m just getting started. I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. It would probably help if you, as the wise and mature one in this relationship, remember these concepts on my behalf. I will make lots of mistakes and I’ll need lots of patience from you for a long, long time, so please don’t use it all up while I’m still only a toddler!

2. I like to know what’s going on. Because most the time I’m clueless.

You call it structure. It’s about naptimes and bath times, and stopping-playing times and cleaning-up times and getting-in-the-carseat times. All I know is it always comes at the wrong time when I’m doing something else. But I have noticed (a little) that it’s comforting to do the same things over and over again. Gives the world a little predictability, you know?

3. Tell me what I can…and can’t do.

I don’t know what’s safe, what’s okay, what hurts other people, what makes people smile at me. I’m learning about everything and you’re my teacher.

4. Stay calm.

One of us has to! I’ll tell you a little secret…I’m not very good at being calm some days. Things just start happening inside of me; it’s a little scary. So it helps me a lot to know I can depend on you to be calm, no matter how I feel.

5. I like to go.

To the store, to the library, to museums, to Grandma’s house, to the pet store. I need to see lots of people and places. But it does help if all these places are short visits. I get tired easily. And we all know what happens when I get tired….

6. Too much is too much.

When it comes to going places and doing things, I think I like to go and do everything, but the truth is I get over stimulated sort of easily. Just like the tired thing. I can’t tell you when it’s happening, of course, but a couple of hours are a long time for me. When I get overloaded, I definitely stop learning new things.

7. Fun is my favorite thing!

Can we play games? Can we tickle? Can we march around the house like soldiers? Can we bend over and peek between our legs? I would love to pick up my toys if you can show me how to make a game of it. If you need me to sit still, I can do that much longer if we can sing songs and do finger plays together.

8. Have you been outside?

It’s amazing out there! There’s grass and rocks and trees and sunshine and cars and people and bugs and once it even dripped water on me from the sky! You gotta take me outside!

9. Teach me to read.

Not words yet, of course. But you’ll want me to be able to explore a wide world some day and reading will do that for me, so I need to be practicing now. Everyday read a picture book to me. At first I won’t want to sit still, but I’ll get less wiggly over time. Reading is a great way to calm me down for nap and bed time, too. And it means sitting and cuddling with you, one of my favorite things to do.

10. Am I acting out?

There’s always a reason for why I’m doing what I’m doing. I just have no way to figure that out…that’s your job. I may only be tired and a good nap will cure me. But if there are things I don’t understand and that scare me going on in my family or environment, I will act out to try to tell you about my discomfort. I don’t know what else to do. It’s up to you to be a detective and figure out what I need.

Well, that’s my 10 parenting tips for toddlers. They make sense, huh? I just know they make me feel happy and safe inside.

Wanna play?

Colleen Langenfeld asked:


Do you have a child between the ages of 5 and 9? That special season is a time of enormous growth and development and can be a whirlwind to observe. I am privileged to be parenting my fourth elementary-age child. Here are some of my favorite 10 parenting tips for early school-age kids.

1. It’s a big world.

The first few years of school are exciting and stressful. Learning how to listen to adults besides mom and dad and being on their own for several hours each day is a tremendous leap forward in a child’s life. As a parent, keep in mind this transition your child is moving through and be patient and understanding.

2. Give them your confidence.

A child this age often will doubt his abilities. Sometimes he will verbalize this lack of self-confidence; sometimes it stays his little secret. You can help him by sharing your own confidence in his abilities with him. Be matter-of-fact about his talents and express your utter confidence in him, even if you have your own set of concerns.

3. Be interested.

What is your child learning about school? How did recess go? What is her favorite part of school? What is bugging her? Staying interested in your child’s daily life goes a long ways towards establishing a healthy on-going relationship.

4. Friendships count.

An elementary-age child is learning a lot about friendships. What works and frustratingly, what doesn’t. They are also learning that families operate differently; what is a vital rule in your own family may not matter at all in another family. Learning that people do things differently is an important lesson at this stage.

5. Talk values.

This is the age to solidify what values are important to your family with your child. Ideas such as:

- We are kind. Why is this important?

- We are fair, even when others are not.

- We tell the truth, even when it gets us into trouble.

These important concepts MUST be cemented in your child now if you want him to live by them when he gets to the teen years.

6. Don’t overload.

In this day of multiple after school activities, it’s easy to pile on too much for the average primary-schooler. Her main ‘job’ is school, so give adequate time, space and support to homework. Once that is finished, free playtime is important at this age as most kids spend several hours a day sitting at a desk and being quiet.

7. Family time is a priority.

Daily dinnertime together, a weekly game night, chores done as a team, a quiet time reading or enjoying music together, playing sports as a family; any of these ideas and many, many more are great ways to foster a sense of family in your home. Make sure you make together-time a priority.

8. Celebrate the team.

Kids this age need to know they are a part of something bigger than themselves and the family structure can fill that need beautifully. Worshipping, playing and working together are smart ways to build your family’s strength for the years ahead as well as enjoy each other today.

9. Have a family ‘thing’.

Drawing on parenting tip #8, decide on a fun hobby the whole family can enjoy and jump right in. You can bike, go camping, build model trains, raise bunnies, volunteer in your community, or investigate the stars together. Trust me, nothing will build family memories easier or better than a shared family hobby.

10. Teach personal responsibility.

This parenting tip is vital for your child’s long-term well-being. And it’s simple enough to instill. Chores, homework and learning new skills like musical instruments or sports activities are excellent ways to teach your school-aged child more and more about being responsible for himself and his possessions.

Now you have 10 parenting tips for elementary-age children. Each one of these tips has been time-tested in my home and thousands of other homes over the years. These parenting tips work…but only if you PUT them to work with your family. Enjoy your family more by taking the guesswork out of parenting. Establish these simple guidelines and reduce your parenting stress load today.

Myla Madson asked:


I’ve read a number of articles on how a woman should go about keeping her man happy. Some of these “expert tips” include being spontaneous, adventurous, hang on his every word, talking dirty, dressing **** yada, yada, yada.

I’m assuming for the moment that we are talking about actual full grown adult men here and not some pubescent teenager, right? Articles that suggest you show your man respect and pay attention and value what he has to say, are really quite ridiculous and have been generated for no other reason than to try and push a website or product as weak as their articles are.

You can’t define what a woman should do to keep her man happy for two very simple reasons.

First, all men are different. I know we try and pigeon hole the entire gender, but the fact is, men are as complicated a creature as we ladies are and every man responds to different stimuli.

For example, some men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their veins and would respond favorably to an aggressive woman in the bedroom, wearing daring unmentionables and talking dirty. To others, this would be a complete turn off.

Second, men instinctually know when a women is not being sincere. There’s a reason why you have been drawn to an article on how to make your man happy. Chances are good you are very close to losing him or feel he has lost interest in you.

No “expert” can tell you what all men need. The truth of the matter is, your guy is with you for a reason, something originally attracted him to you. It’s time to take a look at yourself in the mirror and see if you are the same person he fell in love with. Go ahead, take a good long look.

I think that if you are being completely honest and objective, your probably not as happy with yourself as you used to be either. We all age, gain weight, grow complacent and lazy. We have families and careers that sap our energy and the easiest thing in your life to neglect unfortunately, is that which you’ve grown comfortable with, your relationship with your man.

If there is one thing the majority of men do not like, it’s slipping down your ever fluctuating scale of what’s important and what can be attended to later.

Most couples meet when they either have no children or their children are older and self sustaining. A whirlwind romance often runs completely out of energy after marriage, children, bills, soccer, cub scouts, bake sales, homework, laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning and on and on the list of daily chores and responsibilities go.

The energy you once focused on the singular him, has now got to be divided between a thousand other things. Just as a plant withers and dies in the shade, so does your relationship.

And you cannot start feigning interest, dressing sexy, talking dirty, being spontaneous and so on if it is not something you are currently doing. You will only confuse the poor man and make matters worse.

What actually may work is to try and schedule at least an hour of uninterrupted alone time and have a serious conversation with him. See if it’s to late to even mend your broken relationship. He may not want to, but if he does show any sign of life at all, you need to explain, with all of your heart, how sorry you are that you have neglected his needs and his feelings, because YOU HAVE!

And so has he of course, but someone must raise the white flag first, so why not let it be you?

There’s noting wrong with admitting that life has gotten in the way of love and that you want more than anything to make things work and try to recapture some of the fire the two of you once shared. The blame game absolutely does not work, don’t even try it. Just extend the olive branch, and if there is any love left in the man, he will return the gesture.

Build from there and promise each other that while you tackle the mundane aspects of your life, you will think about each other and remember what once was, and what could be again some day.

Blondee {B2B 9.12.09} asked:


I’m 21, I lived on my own but recently moved back to ID live with my parents am finishing up school.

Issuel: I want to move out of my parents house in with my future hubby but my parents look down on it. They raised me to be independent (which I very much am) make my own decisions. They always tell me that I have a good head on my shouders they’re so proud of me. But now that I want to move in with him, they’re mad. They’re old fashioned don’t think it’s right to live with someone before you’re married. And for the longest time I agreed, but now that I am in that stage of my life, I believe it is the right thing to do so does he.

I know that I can’t make my parents happy forever that I need to make myself happy, but I feel like I’m hurting them in some way they won’t support me or my decision after all is said done. It hurts to see them shut off when I want to talk about it as adults.

How should I go about makin my desicion go smoothly w/ my parents?

anjali asked:


i guess a *** tape with him and another ***** (not shannon tweed) has been leaked onto the net. i’m totally heartbroken. they seemed like the cutest couple on their show ‘family jewels’… i’m so confused.. why go on a show and act like a family man (apart from announcing that he’s unmarried), raise those two smart hilarious children but have the reputation of having slept with thousands of woman? your opinion? has he slept with that many women whilst shannon’s all happy with their relationship?? i’m such a geek i know!!

Deanna Mascle asked:


Parenting is the most difficult, the most challenging, and the most important job we will ever have. So many of our children’s future successes and problems can stem from our success as parents. Yet fortunately we do not have to go it alone. We can learn from the successful parents around us, if we are fortunate including our own parents, and also learn from those less successful as well. In addition, we can learn many important lessons about parenting from our own children. If we only listen and pay attention they tell us so much about what they want and need from us as parents. While we can so often get caught up in the little details and daily grind of parenting, if we keep sight of three main goals then the rest will take care of itself. All our children really need from us are these three all-important gifts: our love, our care, and our time.

Love is the easiest and yet the most overlooked of the gifts we must give our children. We love our children. It is such an overwhelming emotion for us that we often forget that our children may not realize its depth and breadth. It is true for many of us that we did not realize how much our parents love us until we too became parents. Demonstrate through your actions and choices that you love your children. Show them and tell them how much you care. Do this with little gestures and big ones and do it every day. One certainty our children should possess as they grow and develop is that they are loved as this gives them a foundation and confidence that nothing else can.

Care is something we do all the time, so much so that it is often on autopilot. Folding clothes, picking up toys, packing lunches, and washing dishes. One of the ways to cope with these tasks is to put them in perspective. These boring, repetitive tasks are one of the ways we care for our children and by doing them we are showing our care. But do not neglect the emotional and cognitive care along with the physical care. It is easy while making sure our children are fed, clothed, and washed to overlook the emotional care and cognitive care children also need. Teach your child how to handle emotions like fear and jealousy by talking things through and modeling good emotional behavior. Make sure your child is challenged intellectually through conversation, games and books.

Time is the most precious of all gifts and yet so many parents short their children of their time. Time is spent at work and at various life activities from home maintenance to recreation, but simply giving your child the gift of your time and attention every day can reap tremendous rewards. Giving your child your time and attention is the surest way to demonstrate to your child that he or she is loved. You can multi-task while spending time with your child if the task is something that the child can be involved in or adjacent to — and the task is something mindless so you can focus on the child. For example, children can help with household chores or can talk or read to you while you fold laundry or wash dishes. Simply making a point of spending time with your child every day where your primary focus is on the child can reap tremendous rewards today and tomorrow.

There are no perfect parents, so striving for perfection is setting yourself up for failure. All you can do is try your best and give your child the gifts of love, care, and time. If you do then you will be a good parent. It really is that simple.

WanderingGnome asked:


I broke up with my boyfriend, who was my best friend, 5 months ago. Since then, I have got over him and my heart for the most part healed. I am happy being single, but I tend to get so lonely. I don’t have a big or close family, just my parents. I have some good friends, but they’re not the type I can call to just chat with. I am looking for how to be alone, but not lonely. I am an only child and therefore very independent, but I can’t help but feel empty.

Barbara Beccari asked:


One of the most lasting gifts a parent can give their child is encouragement in making decisions. When we do this we support our children in their journey towards independence.

Of course there will be times where parents need to make the decision and times when the decision will be negotiated, but there will also be many times when the child can choose.

There are two easy ways to help your child learn to make choices:

1. Involve them in choosing everyday things eg what to wear, what they want on their sandwich, what’s for dinner

2. Ask for their input in family discussions where you can allow them to choose the outcome eg where to go for an outing, who to invite to a party

Use the word ‘choice’ with your children. ‘Which do you choose?’ ‘What will your choice be?’ Remember, when children are young, to limit choices to two to make their decision making easier. Older children will be able to cope with a wider range of choice. Remember too, don’t offer your child choice if you are not prepared to follow through. Children need to know that their choice will occur.

Giving our kids choice has a couple of bonuses in addition to helping them make decisions and increasing their independence. Children will take more ownership of a situation if they have been involved in the decision and this helps them stick to the agreement. If you often battle with your child about getting them to do things giving choice can be an effective way to get results without the arguments. Such questions as: “Would you like to do it now or within the next half hour?” give the child decision making power instead of being told directly what to do.

The other wonderful bonus is of course children who are encouraged to make choices have a higher self esteem because they are included in family decision making and given chances to express their opinions. They see their point of view as being valued by their family and are more confident when facing new situations.

As you finish reading this article, ask yourself the question: “How can I give my child more choice in his/her life?”

If we parent keeping this question in mind, we will be raising our children to be experienced decision makers and independent thinkers. They will be more confident and able to meet the challenging decisions ahead. We might even reduce some of those every day battles along the way!

April Norhanian asked:


Alternatives to Pricey Retirement Homes

It happens to everyone with parents. One day, it will be time to take care of those who raised you. Retirement homes have long been the choice for busy families that don’t have the time or the room to care for their folks. But there are other options. If you plan ahead, you hook your mom and dad up with an agreeable living situation that will make you happy, them happy, and will not break your budget.

I recently quit my job at a retirement home. By all appearances, it was a very nice retirement home. The first thing you saw when you walked in was a large elegant dining room, a winding staircase, and a grand piano in the middle of a sky-lit atrium. The average age of residents was eighty five years old, and while it was considered “independent living” most of the residents were dependent. They depended on staff to prepare them three meals a day, they depended on the bus driver for transportation (since many had given up driving) and they even depended on an activity director to schedule ways for them to pass their time (that was my job). These services were selling points for the facility, and families were willing to pay an average of four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month so mom and dad could play bingo and bridge in a nicely furnished community. Because this facility was considered independent living, the rent did not cover health services.

In the year that I worked there, I got to know many of the residents. They confided in me. I learned that many of the seniors never really felt like it was their home or even a suitable replacement. Despite the extravagant landscaping, it was still institutionalized living. A lot of them hated the food. Some were even pretending to be happy just for their children. OK, some old folks are just cranky, and you can’t please them no matter what. But regardless, I couldn’t help the feeling that in many ways, retirement homes are completely unnecessary and even a waste of money.

In today’s tight economy, it’s time to be creative and resourceful when it comes to finding a home for Mom and Dad. Rather than committing your parents (or grandparents) to expensive retirement institutions, consider these housing alternatives.

Make room at home (Seriously.)

Up until the second half of the 20th century, this is how people lived! Multiple generations lived under one roof. Make room in the basement. Convert the garage into another bedroom. Or simply plan ahead now and buy a bigger house than you need. Ever notice how big houses were in the 19th century? That’s because families actually lived together. They were much more unified than they are today. In the old days, it was not unusual to have granny answer the door in her curlers. In fact, in many households, grandparents had an important and useful role in the family. I’m not sure what changed, but somehow Americans became embarrassed by their elderly relatives. It’s time be proud of our families again –no matter how senile they may be!

Of course having your parents live with you works extremely well if you actually get along with them. I lucked out having really cool folks. But it can be done even if you have differences. Just make sure you have enough space for privacy. My parents are not even retired yet, but my husband and I have decided that our next house will be designed to accommodate them when the time comes. We will have an in-law suite (on the first floor of course) or a separate cottage on our property. It’s important to make sure the space is accessible with walkers and wheelchairs. In my opinion, it’s never too early to consider a house with extra space for aging relatives. You can always make use of the space in the meantime by renting it out, hosting an exchange student, or housing your teenage kids.

Buy the house next door (Hire home health care services as needed.)

Keep property in the family. On a business trip in Greece, I made friends with a local colleague. Before going out to dinner, she invited me to her brand new condo to meet her family. Her family lived in separate condos, but literally owned the whole building. Her great grand parents lived in the condo on the first floor, her grand parents lived on the second floor, her parents lived on the third floor and she had just gotten the deed to the fourth floor where her and her new husband lived. Why pay over four thousand ($4,000) dollars a month on a small apartment in a retirement home, when you can purchase the house next door (or the apartment below you?) Most mortgage payments are considerably cheaper than rent at a retirement community and plus your money goes toward an investment. Not to mention the sense of true independence this will provide your parents. Old people like to have their own things too.

Understandably, some seniors need special care. In this case you can hire a home health service! There are enough services out there for you to choose from a la carte. Many private health services provide drivers, nurses, and housekeepers as needed. Decide what services you and your parents really need to spend money on and employ a private company. There are many such services. You can find them online or just go to your nearest “independent living” retirement home and look through the multitude of home health care brochures. Otherwise, if your parents are close enough, you can provide meals for them and take them shopping. Of course there may be a time when seniors require full-time nursing care for serious illnesses, but in the meantime, why pay for three meals a day at Sleepy Hollow Retirement when you can keep real estate in the family?

Encourage your parents to move to a big city. (Especially a city you would want to visit!)

For the more active retirees, there are options for adventure. If you have the kind of parents that can’t stand to be still, you may consider packing them up and sending them off. The complaint I heard to most when working in a retirement home was how much the residents missed their cars. They hated giving up their wheels and missed being able to go wherever they want when they want. Subsequently, there is an increasing trend of seniors moving to large cities so they can take advantage of public transportation. While many people have sprawled out to the suburbs, it makes sense for driving impaired seniors to choose an urban setting. living in the heart of a metropolitan area means you don’t need a car, plus there are many things to do and see.

Send your parents to college.

If your parents have an active mind, think about getting them a dorm on a college campus. That’s right, some colleges are now catering to seniors and even offering free classes and discounts on amenities such as golf and tennis. Who needs bingo night when you can take a French class, go to a football game, or see a theatre performance? Research has shown that mental activity may prevent dementia. So, for those seniors considering an “institutional lifestyle,” they may as well choose a college campus over a retirement home. The cost of senior dorms vary. Depending on the housing package, some dorms may be just as expensive as retirement homes. But hey, if you plan on forking out rent for a home, renting a room on a lively college campus sure beats the activity department of any retirement home.

Help your parents escape the country.

Retiring abroad may be an appealing choice for seniors who are looking to stretch their dollars. If they insist on enlisting in a retirement community, look at places like Mexico. In fact, many retirement homes in Mexico cater to the American market. One major pitfall of course, is that you won’t get to see them as often. But look at it this way, you’d have a cool place to visit. A few years ago, a lady from England made news for choosing to live out her golden years on a cruise ship. 86-year-old Bea Muller of Florida was aboard the Queen Elizabeth 2 in 2000 when her husband died. She didn’t want to move back home to live alone and she didn’t want to live in a retirement home. So, she decided to sell everything and book herself for a world cruise one year at a time. In her case, with all the amenities, it actually worked out cheaper than assisted living.

Of course there may be that rare instance where your parents insist on living in a retirement home. They may actually want to have a 400 square foot apartment, collect “funny money,” endure Elvis impersonators, and rely on a one-size-fits all activity calendar for fun. But this is doubtful. Most people want to remain as independent as possible for as long as they can. Most people want to be an active member of a family or community. No matter how old and senile, there are certainly plenty of options for giving them that opportunity outside a cookie-cutter retirement home.

Liams Gal asked:


Im 18 with 3 good A Levels, and im off to university in a few weeks. Ive been with my boyfriend for over two years and we are deeply in love. About 5 months ago I had a miscarriage. The baby was’nt planned so it was a huge shock for me and my boyfriend, but we were happy. Obviously we were then devistated at what happened. I know how difficult raising a child would be, but i despratly long for a child, as does my boyfriend. I know the idal situation would be married with good career but my heart is telling me that now is the right time for me, and I know my boyfriend feels the same as we have discussed the issue at great length. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou.