May
29
Veronica Fisher asked:
Parenting has undeniably become a more complex reality than ever before. One of the crucial issues in the aspect of modern parenting is same *** parenting. Although it may be true that same *** parents may have existed even before this century, the issue has become more prominent in the modern age. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, same *** parents and their families are on the social spot light.
Some support while others criticize same *** parents and these parents are probably out looking for a good parenting tip amidst all the hoopla. Same *** parents are still parents and are therefore equally as concerned for their children as heterosexual parents. Their need for a relevant parenting tip in a world where each parenting tip is for heterosexual parents is immediate. What can be a good parenting tip for same *** parents?
Be Honest
The foremost parenting tip for same *** parents involves honesty. There is, after all, no point in being with a partner you love if you have to keep it from your children. A recommended parenting tip therefore is to explain your situation to your children as soon as they are able to understand. When should parents speak up? Another crucial parenting tip is knowing when the appropriate time is. Kids are different from each other. Some mature faster than others. It is generally accepted though that kids today have an early recognition and understanding of reality as kids a few decades ago. A good parenting tip is to know your kids yourself. As a parent you know when the right time is.
Build a Close Relationship
Crucial to the parenting tip on honesty is the parenting tip on building good relationships with your kids. It’s easier to be honest with a child with whom you are close with. At an early age, be your child’s favorite playmate, confidante and best friend. Make your child comfortable with you by spending as much time with him/her. Make him/her feel that you will be around to help and that it’s okay to tell you things. Any parenting tip would tell you that building a close relationship starts while your child is at a young age.
Communicate Love and Logic
While you’re at the parenting tip on building a meaningful relationship, make sure that your relationship is based both on love and logic. Tell your kids that being *** doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less successful than other people. Tell them too that being *** doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll love them less or provide for them less. Tell them that there is no connection between being *** and being an incapable and unfit parent.
Accept Reality
An important parenting tip for same *** parents is the acceptance of reality. Sure, *** couples accept their being homosexuals. What they should also accept however is that their children may be made to suffer for their parents’ sexual orientation. Not everyone accepts homosexuality. The mere fact that major political and social leaders in American society have voiced opposition to same *** parenthood is enough indication that society has not fully accepted the gender choice. It is a good parenting tip to accept that kids may be bullied so that one may be better able to address the problem.
Seek Help
A final parenting tip is to seek for professional help for your kids and family. In spite of your best efforts to boost your child’s confidence and make him/her understand that homosexuality is not an abnormality, your child may not easily cope with the situation of being bullied. When the situation becomes too much for you to handle, look for support groups, counseling opportunities and parent resources to help you.
Parenting has undeniably become a more complex reality than ever before. One of the crucial issues in the aspect of modern parenting is same *** parenting. Although it may be true that same *** parents may have existed even before this century, the issue has become more prominent in the modern age. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, same *** parents and their families are on the social spot light.
Some support while others criticize same *** parents and these parents are probably out looking for a good parenting tip amidst all the hoopla. Same *** parents are still parents and are therefore equally as concerned for their children as heterosexual parents. Their need for a relevant parenting tip in a world where each parenting tip is for heterosexual parents is immediate. What can be a good parenting tip for same *** parents?
Be Honest
The foremost parenting tip for same *** parents involves honesty. There is, after all, no point in being with a partner you love if you have to keep it from your children. A recommended parenting tip therefore is to explain your situation to your children as soon as they are able to understand. When should parents speak up? Another crucial parenting tip is knowing when the appropriate time is. Kids are different from each other. Some mature faster than others. It is generally accepted though that kids today have an early recognition and understanding of reality as kids a few decades ago. A good parenting tip is to know your kids yourself. As a parent you know when the right time is.
Build a Close Relationship
Crucial to the parenting tip on honesty is the parenting tip on building good relationships with your kids. It’s easier to be honest with a child with whom you are close with. At an early age, be your child’s favorite playmate, confidante and best friend. Make your child comfortable with you by spending as much time with him/her. Make him/her feel that you will be around to help and that it’s okay to tell you things. Any parenting tip would tell you that building a close relationship starts while your child is at a young age.
Communicate Love and Logic
While you’re at the parenting tip on building a meaningful relationship, make sure that your relationship is based both on love and logic. Tell your kids that being *** doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less successful than other people. Tell them too that being *** doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll love them less or provide for them less. Tell them that there is no connection between being *** and being an incapable and unfit parent.
Accept Reality
An important parenting tip for same *** parents is the acceptance of reality. Sure, *** couples accept their being homosexuals. What they should also accept however is that their children may be made to suffer for their parents’ sexual orientation. Not everyone accepts homosexuality. The mere fact that major political and social leaders in American society have voiced opposition to same *** parenthood is enough indication that society has not fully accepted the gender choice. It is a good parenting tip to accept that kids may be bullied so that one may be better able to address the problem.
Seek Help
A final parenting tip is to seek for professional help for your kids and family. In spite of your best efforts to boost your child’s confidence and make him/her understand that homosexuality is not an abnormality, your child may not easily cope with the situation of being bullied. When the situation becomes too much for you to handle, look for support groups, counseling opportunities and parent resources to help you.
May
28
can u give me a acronym related to parenting tips.now please.PARENT?
Filed Under Parenting | 3 Comments
Sasuke asked:
an acronym about parenting tips..
P-
A-
R-
E-
N-
T-
an acronym about parenting tips..
P-
A-
R-
E-
N-
T-
May
28
Len Stauffenger asked:
family and friends like your ex? Did they ever say unkind, critical words about him or her in your presence? Did you sort of shrivel up inside when those words hit your ears and then your heart? The words made you wince and retreat and hurt, didn’t they?
These are the feelings your children get to feel when you talk about your ex in a negative way in front of them. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to your ex or to your children. It’s not fair to you. It doesn’t make sense to say horrible things about the person you once loved so much that you decided to enter into a committed relationship with them. There had to be something so good about your ex that you made the decision to join your life with theirs.
What changed between the love you once felt and the hatred that is there now? You changed your mind, that’s what happened. somehow, your thinking loving thoughts changed to hate-filled thoughts. The things you once loved about your ex, you now ****. You may have very good reasons for the change in your thinking in their regards. Those things might have happened to you.
They did not happen to your children. Your children have their own experience of their other parent and they deserve to enjoy that untainted by your experience of him/her. Your children will learn all about your ex’s shortcomings all on their own eventually. Your very best activity for the sake of your children is not to badmouth your ex in front of them. If your husband truly is selfish, then he will always be selfish. If your wife really is a slut, then she’ll always be a ****. That’s going to be their problem to fix or not. Don’t let it be yours.
I’d detest having the reputation as the meanest S. O. B. in your town, or the worst prostitute, but if that is what they chose for themselves, they’ll have to live out their life sentence in the category that is named: What goes around comes around. In my experience, the really selfish people are really unhappy people.
Isn’t it obvious how this relates to your children? Even if they don’t care who is at fault, they have to deal with the way the world is. Their world is such that mom and dad don’t live together anymore. They have a remarkable resiliency though. They can adjust to that, and they can put it behind them, and they can live happy, healthy lives. The question is, is it behind them? It can never be if you keep bringing up the fact that their dad is bad or their mom is selfish. You continue to cause them pain and hold them back.
If their dad is truly selfish, they’ll see that over time on their own. Do you want them to grow up to be selfish? Kids learn by modeling. If your ex-husband is selfish, they will be spending some time around a selfish person. They need to also spend some time around a healthy, happy person. That’s you. They will see over time how their dad or their mom treats other people. They will see that dad is selfish, but it doesn’t make him happy. You, on the other hand, give them the example of an unselfish, caring person and they’ll see that the universe brings you peace, love and happiness. No, your life won’t be perfect. No one’s is.
Raising children is not just one quick effort. It’s a long marathon, day after day. And the best way to raise healthy, happy children is to continually strive each day to be the best person that you can be. They’ll get it. Just don’t make it harder on them with your unkind, critical words about their other parent. Don’t badmouth your ex where your children might hear you.
family and friends like your ex? Did they ever say unkind, critical words about him or her in your presence? Did you sort of shrivel up inside when those words hit your ears and then your heart? The words made you wince and retreat and hurt, didn’t they?
These are the feelings your children get to feel when you talk about your ex in a negative way in front of them. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to your ex or to your children. It’s not fair to you. It doesn’t make sense to say horrible things about the person you once loved so much that you decided to enter into a committed relationship with them. There had to be something so good about your ex that you made the decision to join your life with theirs.
What changed between the love you once felt and the hatred that is there now? You changed your mind, that’s what happened. somehow, your thinking loving thoughts changed to hate-filled thoughts. The things you once loved about your ex, you now ****. You may have very good reasons for the change in your thinking in their regards. Those things might have happened to you.
They did not happen to your children. Your children have their own experience of their other parent and they deserve to enjoy that untainted by your experience of him/her. Your children will learn all about your ex’s shortcomings all on their own eventually. Your very best activity for the sake of your children is not to badmouth your ex in front of them. If your husband truly is selfish, then he will always be selfish. If your wife really is a slut, then she’ll always be a ****. That’s going to be their problem to fix or not. Don’t let it be yours.
I’d detest having the reputation as the meanest S. O. B. in your town, or the worst prostitute, but if that is what they chose for themselves, they’ll have to live out their life sentence in the category that is named: What goes around comes around. In my experience, the really selfish people are really unhappy people.
Isn’t it obvious how this relates to your children? Even if they don’t care who is at fault, they have to deal with the way the world is. Their world is such that mom and dad don’t live together anymore. They have a remarkable resiliency though. They can adjust to that, and they can put it behind them, and they can live happy, healthy lives. The question is, is it behind them? It can never be if you keep bringing up the fact that their dad is bad or their mom is selfish. You continue to cause them pain and hold them back.
If their dad is truly selfish, they’ll see that over time on their own. Do you want them to grow up to be selfish? Kids learn by modeling. If your ex-husband is selfish, they will be spending some time around a selfish person. They need to also spend some time around a healthy, happy person. That’s you. They will see over time how their dad or their mom treats other people. They will see that dad is selfish, but it doesn’t make him happy. You, on the other hand, give them the example of an unselfish, caring person and they’ll see that the universe brings you peace, love and happiness. No, your life won’t be perfect. No one’s is.
Raising children is not just one quick effort. It’s a long marathon, day after day. And the best way to raise healthy, happy children is to continually strive each day to be the best person that you can be. They’ll get it. Just don’t make it harder on them with your unkind, critical words about their other parent. Don’t badmouth your ex where your children might hear you.
May
21
~~Penny~~ asked:
~~~ thank you for all your answers,,,My new husband of 7 years treats me wonderfully,,,,like a queen,,,and I have told my daughter that I am so happy,,,,she is only 23 and in her 2nd marriage,,,,my first marriage was abusive I stuck it out for 20 yrs. I love my grandaughter, 4 yrs old,,,she use to come over every few weeks to have fun spend the night,,,my daughter is in her 2nd marriage,,1st one very abusive,,,new one of 9 months he is hard working,,but I never saw the love aspect ,,,now she is pregnant again,,,she wants me to be there for her and her daughter 24/7…did my job,,,raised my 2 children,,,she still resents my new of 7 years husband….my son,,,he does not get along with his sister,,,he says she has anger issues,,,still,,,,what ever I say or dont say,,,,do or dont do she is angry with me,,,,she is angry because I did not bring a camera to her wedding,,,,I dont own a camera,,,I worked 10 hours drove to vegas,,,was tired,,,didnt want to party with everyone,,,,she is mad
~~~ thank you for all your answers,,,My new husband of 7 years treats me wonderfully,,,,like a queen,,,and I have told my daughter that I am so happy,,,,she is only 23 and in her 2nd marriage,,,,my first marriage was abusive I stuck it out for 20 yrs. I love my grandaughter, 4 yrs old,,,she use to come over every few weeks to have fun spend the night,,,my daughter is in her 2nd marriage,,1st one very abusive,,,new one of 9 months he is hard working,,but I never saw the love aspect ,,,now she is pregnant again,,,she wants me to be there for her and her daughter 24/7…did my job,,,raised my 2 children,,,she still resents my new of 7 years husband….my son,,,he does not get along with his sister,,,he says she has anger issues,,,still,,,,what ever I say or dont say,,,,do or dont do she is angry with me,,,,she is angry because I did not bring a camera to her wedding,,,,I dont own a camera,,,I worked 10 hours drove to vegas,,,was tired,,,didnt want to party with everyone,,,,she is mad
May
13
Parenting Tips!
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
Jacqueline Claxton asked:
PARENTING TIPS!
Being a parent is one tough job. Full of many rewards, beautiful moments, great sharing, laughs and love. But the reality of raising children today is that parents become overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed. In the absence of the owner’s manual, there are many wonderful sources of parenting hints. Family, friends, books, videos, and websites are just a few of the valuable resources available to today’s parents. Here are some helpful hints geared to specific age groups. Infants
Newborns feel more secure if they are swaddled firmly in a blanket, as this sensation closely mimics the feeling inside the womb. If you have a fussy newborn, wrapping them firmly with their arms inside the blanket may help to soothe them when you aren’t holding them.
Dress your infant in layers so you are better able to regulate his temperature. Infants need the same amount of clothing as you do in most environments; or at most, one layer more. So, if you are wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts, there is no need to dress your infant in a onesie, sweatshirt, and jacket.
Toddlers/Preschoolers
Don’t be too strict about your child’s clothing matching perfectly. At this age, children are beginning to express their individuality and they love to put all sorts of wacky combinations together. To you, it looks like their closet exploded all over them, but to them, they are a work of art! As long as it isn’t family picture day, try to be flexible in allowing them to choose their own clothing combinations.
Bedtime can be quite an ordeal at this age. Children may be afraid of the dark or of monsters or of being alone. A consistent routine can help keep the fears from getting out of hand. A warm bath, teeth brushing, and pajamas followed by a story, prayers, hugs, kisses, and snuggles can help. If darkness is the fear, try letting the child choose his own nightlight. If monsters are the culprit, make it a point to check the closets and under the bed. Parents have also successfully used a special air freshener as a “monster repellent.” The key is to be sensitive. These fears are very real to a child.
Elementary/Middle Schoolers
To help calm the harried morning rush out the door, a little organization the night before can go a long way. Before bedtime, be sure all homework is returned to your child’s backpack as well as any lunch money, notes for the teacher, permission slips, etc. Place these in a convenient place near the door. Keep boots, mittens, hats, scarves, and other accessories near the coats so they are ready to go as well. Make lunches the night before and keep them in the refrigerator; ready to grab in the morning. Help your child lay out clothing for the next day so there is no last minute scramble in the morning to find those perfect zip-off wind pants. Some families even put together outfits for the entire week. Leaving the house in a calm and peaceful manner puts a great spin on the day!
Children have their own internal clocks. It is entirely possible for two early bird parents to give birth to a night owl. Some children can be put to bed at what parents believe is a reasonable hour for their child’s age, but the child still cannot fall asleep for hours. The child isn’t misbehaving, his body truly isn’t ready to fall asleep yet. If you have a young night owl, experiment with pushing bedtime back an hour or so or even allowing the child to read quietly with a small book light before falling asleep. It may help make bedtime a little easier!
Teenagers
At this age, peer pressure is at its peak. The guy who never cared what he wore before suddenly insists on $120 basketball shoes. The girl who would shop anywhere now insists on designer labels. Some parents have had wonderful success teaching the value of a dollar, budgeting, and other valuable lessons by using a clothing budget. Each child is given a certain amount of money for his clothing budget. Say you decide on $300 for the entire school year. This means your daughter can go out the first day of school and spend all $300 or she can buy something here or there throughout the year; either way she only has $300 from September through June. It can be a very difficult lesson for her to spend that entire $300 on one sweater, a pair of shoes, and two purses in the Fall and then have nothing left when Spring arrives to buy sandals and a new dress. But, the clothing budget is a great way to teach young adults that money doesn’t grow on trees!
If you would like information on how to start working from home and spend more time with your kids, click here.
PARENTING TIPS!
Being a parent is one tough job. Full of many rewards, beautiful moments, great sharing, laughs and love. But the reality of raising children today is that parents become overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed. In the absence of the owner’s manual, there are many wonderful sources of parenting hints. Family, friends, books, videos, and websites are just a few of the valuable resources available to today’s parents. Here are some helpful hints geared to specific age groups. Infants
Newborns feel more secure if they are swaddled firmly in a blanket, as this sensation closely mimics the feeling inside the womb. If you have a fussy newborn, wrapping them firmly with their arms inside the blanket may help to soothe them when you aren’t holding them.
Dress your infant in layers so you are better able to regulate his temperature. Infants need the same amount of clothing as you do in most environments; or at most, one layer more. So, if you are wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts, there is no need to dress your infant in a onesie, sweatshirt, and jacket.
Toddlers/Preschoolers
Don’t be too strict about your child’s clothing matching perfectly. At this age, children are beginning to express their individuality and they love to put all sorts of wacky combinations together. To you, it looks like their closet exploded all over them, but to them, they are a work of art! As long as it isn’t family picture day, try to be flexible in allowing them to choose their own clothing combinations.
Bedtime can be quite an ordeal at this age. Children may be afraid of the dark or of monsters or of being alone. A consistent routine can help keep the fears from getting out of hand. A warm bath, teeth brushing, and pajamas followed by a story, prayers, hugs, kisses, and snuggles can help. If darkness is the fear, try letting the child choose his own nightlight. If monsters are the culprit, make it a point to check the closets and under the bed. Parents have also successfully used a special air freshener as a “monster repellent.” The key is to be sensitive. These fears are very real to a child.
Elementary/Middle Schoolers
To help calm the harried morning rush out the door, a little organization the night before can go a long way. Before bedtime, be sure all homework is returned to your child’s backpack as well as any lunch money, notes for the teacher, permission slips, etc. Place these in a convenient place near the door. Keep boots, mittens, hats, scarves, and other accessories near the coats so they are ready to go as well. Make lunches the night before and keep them in the refrigerator; ready to grab in the morning. Help your child lay out clothing for the next day so there is no last minute scramble in the morning to find those perfect zip-off wind pants. Some families even put together outfits for the entire week. Leaving the house in a calm and peaceful manner puts a great spin on the day!
Children have their own internal clocks. It is entirely possible for two early bird parents to give birth to a night owl. Some children can be put to bed at what parents believe is a reasonable hour for their child’s age, but the child still cannot fall asleep for hours. The child isn’t misbehaving, his body truly isn’t ready to fall asleep yet. If you have a young night owl, experiment with pushing bedtime back an hour or so or even allowing the child to read quietly with a small book light before falling asleep. It may help make bedtime a little easier!
Teenagers
At this age, peer pressure is at its peak. The guy who never cared what he wore before suddenly insists on $120 basketball shoes. The girl who would shop anywhere now insists on designer labels. Some parents have had wonderful success teaching the value of a dollar, budgeting, and other valuable lessons by using a clothing budget. Each child is given a certain amount of money for his clothing budget. Say you decide on $300 for the entire school year. This means your daughter can go out the first day of school and spend all $300 or she can buy something here or there throughout the year; either way she only has $300 from September through June. It can be a very difficult lesson for her to spend that entire $300 on one sweater, a pair of shoes, and two purses in the Fall and then have nothing left when Spring arrives to buy sandals and a new dress. But, the clothing budget is a great way to teach young adults that money doesn’t grow on trees!
If you would like information on how to start working from home and spend more time with your kids, click here.
May
12
Sara Daniels asked:
Ovarian cancer most often presents in stage III, comprising more than 50% of all cases. Briefly, a stage 3 diagnosis means that cancer is found in one or both ovaries and has spread to other parts of the abdomen. This is a serious challenge for anyone to endure, but although it may seem initially overwhelming, I am writing this article as a measure of hope for those who are going through this right now.
Ten years ago a woman I knew, let’s call her “Lisa,” was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. She had no risk factors of the disease, was diligent about going for her annual gynecological exams and checkups, and she never missed her yearly mammogram. Unfortunately, she was not aware of the early warning signs she was experiencing including indigestion, bloating, pelvic discomfort and pain, and a change in her menstrual periods. Had she realized these were signs and symptoms she should be on the lookout for, she would have seen a doctor earlier and it might have been the difference in stage 1 and stage 3. But she didn’t know the symptoms to look for.
Once finally diagnosed, she underwent surgery with removal of a large tumor, and then 6 sessions of chemotherapy over a period of 15 weeks. During this time she listened to her doctor’s prognosis (not great) and researched the disease, discovering the 5-year survival rate was somewhere around 20%. But she was a strong woman and she was determined to watch her 3 children grow up, finish college, have careers, and raise a family themselves. She was determined to beat this disease. She changed a few things in her life, exercising at least once a day, drinking more water, and eating healthier. Of course she had to go for checkups every few months for the first couple of years, and then every 6 months thereafter.
Just a few months ago, Lisa had the most amazing news. She went for her regular checkup at her oncologist’s office and she was told that since she has been with no evidence of disease (known as NED) for 10 years she is now considered cured and she was discharged from the oncologist’s care.
If you have been diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, don’t even read the statistics because you are not a number. Especially in this day and time, it is so easy to find negative information on the Internet. I will tell you that I believe the reason for this is people go on the ‘net with their problems and rarely go to talk about things that are going great in their life. This is why I wanted to share this with everyone. Take heart from Lisa’s story and know that a cure is possible for anyone, regardless of what the numbers say.
Ovarian cancer most often presents in stage III, comprising more than 50% of all cases. Briefly, a stage 3 diagnosis means that cancer is found in one or both ovaries and has spread to other parts of the abdomen. This is a serious challenge for anyone to endure, but although it may seem initially overwhelming, I am writing this article as a measure of hope for those who are going through this right now.
Ten years ago a woman I knew, let’s call her “Lisa,” was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. She had no risk factors of the disease, was diligent about going for her annual gynecological exams and checkups, and she never missed her yearly mammogram. Unfortunately, she was not aware of the early warning signs she was experiencing including indigestion, bloating, pelvic discomfort and pain, and a change in her menstrual periods. Had she realized these were signs and symptoms she should be on the lookout for, she would have seen a doctor earlier and it might have been the difference in stage 1 and stage 3. But she didn’t know the symptoms to look for.
Once finally diagnosed, she underwent surgery with removal of a large tumor, and then 6 sessions of chemotherapy over a period of 15 weeks. During this time she listened to her doctor’s prognosis (not great) and researched the disease, discovering the 5-year survival rate was somewhere around 20%. But she was a strong woman and she was determined to watch her 3 children grow up, finish college, have careers, and raise a family themselves. She was determined to beat this disease. She changed a few things in her life, exercising at least once a day, drinking more water, and eating healthier. Of course she had to go for checkups every few months for the first couple of years, and then every 6 months thereafter.
Just a few months ago, Lisa had the most amazing news. She went for her regular checkup at her oncologist’s office and she was told that since she has been with no evidence of disease (known as NED) for 10 years she is now considered cured and she was discharged from the oncologist’s care.
If you have been diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, don’t even read the statistics because you are not a number. Especially in this day and time, it is so easy to find negative information on the Internet. I will tell you that I believe the reason for this is people go on the ‘net with their problems and rarely go to talk about things that are going great in their life. This is why I wanted to share this with everyone. Take heart from Lisa’s story and know that a cure is possible for anyone, regardless of what the numbers say.
May
12
The Pursuit of Happiness is not Just your Right, It’s your Responsibility!
Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment
Ricky Powell asked:
You may think the pursuit of happiness, as our forefathers mentioned in the Declaration of Independence, is that of a selfish search. However, quite to the contrary, it is one of the most selfless quests an individual can undertake.
Although you may not realize it, being happy or at the very least acting happy, is the ultimate win-win feeling. Why? Think about it. When you reflect on all of the people in your life, which folks tend to make you feel good? The miserable ones? Of course not, happy people tend to make us feel better. When you are at work, do you like being around others who do nothing but criticize, complain and belittle others? Most likely, you enjoy working side by side with people who have a positive outlook on life and are able to find the good in others and in most situations.
By the same token, guess what… most everyone else feels the same way! So, ask yourself, “Am I a joy to be around?” “Do I present an aurora of happiness and well being for my kids, parents, spouse, friends, and co-workers?” If not, I strongly recommend you take a good, long, deep look within. If you haven’t heard it yet, “Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it.”
On my website, one lady took my happiness survey and wrote some rather critical words about this topic. I only wish she would have left her contact information so that I could have written her back and started a dialogue about her comments. Although I was unable to do that, I am pleased to be able to respond in this article instead.
Allow me to paraphrase. First, she wrote that life is never this simplistic. She claimed that criminals are happy when they are committing their crimes. I have to disagree. While I am no expert on the criminal mind, my guess is that most of them are actually miserable. I dare say that the evil forces in the world, murderers, rapists, even terrorists, are actually not happy. This may be a generalization but I would bet in the majority of cases, it’s true. Overall, I would say that happy people do not rape, pillage and murder.
Next, she wrote that happiness may well be a choice for some people, but not for everyone. She continued, “Environment, genetics and a number of other things have to be factored in and it appears you, (meaning me), ignored them. Perhaps it is because you have never known unhappiness, stress, genes with glitches, etc. If everyone were always happy, we would still be living in caves. Unhappiness with something or someone is a great motivator for change.” She went on to talk about the state of the world and how we should all be unhappy with it.
I am actually very grateful she took the time to submit the survey because until I read it, quite frankly I was completely remiss in addressing these extremely important points that need to be tackled.
First, let me just say that I have had plenty of sadness and stress in my life. Haven’t we all? Yet, I believe there is a difference between feeling sad over particular events taking place, versus an overall attitude of unhappiness.
At age 4, I had an older brother who ran away from home and disappeared for the next 18 years, only to show up years later for just a few fleeting moments until he left again for good. Unfortunately for my family, he was a very unhappy person.
At age 23, I lost my very best friend suddenly due to a congenital heart defect. We had gone through High School and College together, and I actually attribute my entire post graduate career in Entertainment to him as he was responsible for helping me land my first job out of school where we worked together side by side. He was such a powerful, positive force in my life, and touched so many others’ lives, that to this day, 21 years later, not a day goes by when I don’t think about and miss him terribly. He was one of the happiest people I knew and was a great inspiration in my creating a website about happiness.
Five years ago, I lost my mother prematurely. She was just 73. We were so close my entire life and after my kids came along, she was absolutely overjoyed to spoil them as much and for as long as she could. I felt horrible about losing her, and even worse that my kids would never again be able to spend time with her. As young as they were when she passed, fortunately they have nothing but wonderful memories of her and thank goodness we captured many happy events on video so that her memory can live on for generations to come. My mom, despite a very difficult life, was also one of the happiest people I have ever known.
I share all of this for no other reason than to help my anonymous visitor understand that we all have bad things happen to us. The world is full of horrible people, places and things that go on each and every day. For one to choose happiness does not mean that they are ignoring or condoning all of these atrocities. Imagine what doctors and lawyers and morticians go through every day. If they let what they see each and every day affect their ability to be happy, none of them would stand a chance.
I believe also, that she may have misunderstood the difference between ‘unhappiness’ and ‘dissatisfied’. Human nature itself is insatiable. From the moment we are born, we are never satisfied. Radio talk show host and author of Happiness is a Serious Problem, Dennis Prager, recalled that his son’s third word was “more”. His order of speaking was mama, dada and more! I am sure that is something to which all of us can relate. It is this dissatisfaction that drives us to constantly improve. The caveman was not satisfied with the way things were, and thus invented the wheel. Then came the discovery of fire, and so on it goes. Did Bill Gates stop with Windows XP? No, here comes Vista. Today, the i-phone… tomorrow, the i-world! None of this has anything to do with being unhappy. That is an entirely different animal. We can be dissatisfied with the way things are and strive to make them better, but we can still enjoy inner peace and happiness while working on making the world a better place.
Genetics is a completely separate issue. There are people who suffer from chemical imbalances and other physiological anomalies, which can lead to depression, anxiety and other problems, all possible contributors to unhappiness, (some members of my family included… remember my brother?)
Thankfully, there are medications that can help people in these situations. Drugs are only part of the answer though. From what I understand, these medications are only meant to enable the patient to feel better.
It is up to each individual to go the extra step and decide that they can indeed feel happy once they have that capability of doing so through medication. This really is a topic for another discussion though. I am not a doctor. This is just my laymen’s take on the subject. My point is not to minimize any of this. Clearly, there is much more that can be written and in fact, will be written for the website in the days, months and years to come.
To summarize for now though, I emphatically believe that happiness is absolutely a choice. It is the very reason that I created i-choose-happiness.com. It is truly your personal responsibility to be as happy as you possibly can. The world will be a much better place when the majority of its inhabitants are a just a little happier!
You may think the pursuit of happiness, as our forefathers mentioned in the Declaration of Independence, is that of a selfish search. However, quite to the contrary, it is one of the most selfless quests an individual can undertake.
Although you may not realize it, being happy or at the very least acting happy, is the ultimate win-win feeling. Why? Think about it. When you reflect on all of the people in your life, which folks tend to make you feel good? The miserable ones? Of course not, happy people tend to make us feel better. When you are at work, do you like being around others who do nothing but criticize, complain and belittle others? Most likely, you enjoy working side by side with people who have a positive outlook on life and are able to find the good in others and in most situations.
By the same token, guess what… most everyone else feels the same way! So, ask yourself, “Am I a joy to be around?” “Do I present an aurora of happiness and well being for my kids, parents, spouse, friends, and co-workers?” If not, I strongly recommend you take a good, long, deep look within. If you haven’t heard it yet, “Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it.”
On my website, one lady took my happiness survey and wrote some rather critical words about this topic. I only wish she would have left her contact information so that I could have written her back and started a dialogue about her comments. Although I was unable to do that, I am pleased to be able to respond in this article instead.
Allow me to paraphrase. First, she wrote that life is never this simplistic. She claimed that criminals are happy when they are committing their crimes. I have to disagree. While I am no expert on the criminal mind, my guess is that most of them are actually miserable. I dare say that the evil forces in the world, murderers, rapists, even terrorists, are actually not happy. This may be a generalization but I would bet in the majority of cases, it’s true. Overall, I would say that happy people do not rape, pillage and murder.
Next, she wrote that happiness may well be a choice for some people, but not for everyone. She continued, “Environment, genetics and a number of other things have to be factored in and it appears you, (meaning me), ignored them. Perhaps it is because you have never known unhappiness, stress, genes with glitches, etc. If everyone were always happy, we would still be living in caves. Unhappiness with something or someone is a great motivator for change.” She went on to talk about the state of the world and how we should all be unhappy with it.
I am actually very grateful she took the time to submit the survey because until I read it, quite frankly I was completely remiss in addressing these extremely important points that need to be tackled.
First, let me just say that I have had plenty of sadness and stress in my life. Haven’t we all? Yet, I believe there is a difference between feeling sad over particular events taking place, versus an overall attitude of unhappiness.
At age 4, I had an older brother who ran away from home and disappeared for the next 18 years, only to show up years later for just a few fleeting moments until he left again for good. Unfortunately for my family, he was a very unhappy person.
At age 23, I lost my very best friend suddenly due to a congenital heart defect. We had gone through High School and College together, and I actually attribute my entire post graduate career in Entertainment to him as he was responsible for helping me land my first job out of school where we worked together side by side. He was such a powerful, positive force in my life, and touched so many others’ lives, that to this day, 21 years later, not a day goes by when I don’t think about and miss him terribly. He was one of the happiest people I knew and was a great inspiration in my creating a website about happiness.
Five years ago, I lost my mother prematurely. She was just 73. We were so close my entire life and after my kids came along, she was absolutely overjoyed to spoil them as much and for as long as she could. I felt horrible about losing her, and even worse that my kids would never again be able to spend time with her. As young as they were when she passed, fortunately they have nothing but wonderful memories of her and thank goodness we captured many happy events on video so that her memory can live on for generations to come. My mom, despite a very difficult life, was also one of the happiest people I have ever known.
I share all of this for no other reason than to help my anonymous visitor understand that we all have bad things happen to us. The world is full of horrible people, places and things that go on each and every day. For one to choose happiness does not mean that they are ignoring or condoning all of these atrocities. Imagine what doctors and lawyers and morticians go through every day. If they let what they see each and every day affect their ability to be happy, none of them would stand a chance.
I believe also, that she may have misunderstood the difference between ‘unhappiness’ and ‘dissatisfied’. Human nature itself is insatiable. From the moment we are born, we are never satisfied. Radio talk show host and author of Happiness is a Serious Problem, Dennis Prager, recalled that his son’s third word was “more”. His order of speaking was mama, dada and more! I am sure that is something to which all of us can relate. It is this dissatisfaction that drives us to constantly improve. The caveman was not satisfied with the way things were, and thus invented the wheel. Then came the discovery of fire, and so on it goes. Did Bill Gates stop with Windows XP? No, here comes Vista. Today, the i-phone… tomorrow, the i-world! None of this has anything to do with being unhappy. That is an entirely different animal. We can be dissatisfied with the way things are and strive to make them better, but we can still enjoy inner peace and happiness while working on making the world a better place.
Genetics is a completely separate issue. There are people who suffer from chemical imbalances and other physiological anomalies, which can lead to depression, anxiety and other problems, all possible contributors to unhappiness, (some members of my family included… remember my brother?)
Thankfully, there are medications that can help people in these situations. Drugs are only part of the answer though. From what I understand, these medications are only meant to enable the patient to feel better.
It is up to each individual to go the extra step and decide that they can indeed feel happy once they have that capability of doing so through medication. This really is a topic for another discussion though. I am not a doctor. This is just my laymen’s take on the subject. My point is not to minimize any of this. Clearly, there is much more that can be written and in fact, will be written for the website in the days, months and years to come.
To summarize for now though, I emphatically believe that happiness is absolutely a choice. It is the very reason that I created i-choose-happiness.com. It is truly your personal responsibility to be as happy as you possibly can. The world will be a much better place when the majority of its inhabitants are a just a little happier!
May
8
All Mothers - Read this! Happy Mother’s Day?
Filed Under Parenting | 28 Comments
amyvnsn asked:
This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, It’s okay honey, Mommy’s here.
This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, It’s okay honey, Mommy’s here.
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can’t be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON’T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see.
And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars
, so that when their kids asked, Did you see me, Mom? they could say, Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.
And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. And wear worn out coats, so the kids could have new winter parkas.
For all the mothers who read Goodnight, Moon , or Cat in the Hat, twice a night for a year.
And then read it again. Just one more time.
This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted
for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls Mom? in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home — or even away at college.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them.
This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman’s child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love… sometimes totally unappreciated!
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green and/or wear wild clothes.
For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful and now pray they come home safely from a war.
This is for all the mothers whose precious child is/was sent off to the service of the country and how they worry for their child’s safety.
What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?
The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?
Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation…
And mature mothers learning to let go
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there.
In the end we can only do the best we can.
Tell them every day that we love them. And pray for them.
And if you don’t hear it from anyone else I say —
Happy Mother’s Day!
and THANKS for all you do,
and mostly,
For being YOU !!
May
5
Veronica Fisher asked:
We’ve been hearing one parenting tip to another. Each and every parenting tip may focus on one aspect of parenthood. A parenting tip may be about raising a toddler, a teen, a gifted child or a difficult child. There is however one other kind of child that should have parents that know a relevant parenting tip— the child of divorced parents. What parenting tip can divorced parents employ to make sure that their kids will be okay?
Protect Your Child First
A straightforward parenting tip is that your child should be your number one priority. This parenting tip implies that even before you decide to get a divorce, you should make sure that your children are safeguarded from parental conflict. Hearing you and your spouse quarrel or making kids feel an impending divorce even before you announce it may make them prone to negative or destructive feelings. Your children may even blame themselves for what is happening. Although your kids may have an idea of the conflict, it is better for them to hear a good explanation from you.
Communicate as a Family
A crucial parenting tip is for you to temporarily put aside your differences with your spouse and decide to come together as a family. It is a useful parenting tip to gather your children, explain to them honestly that you are getting a divorce. Tell them that the situation may be a little sad for all of you but that you are all still going to find a way to lead normal lives. At this point it is crucial for you to listen to your children and encourage them to relay what’s on their minds or ask their questions.
Be Supportive of Your Co-Parent
The most important parenting tip after the divorce is to openly support the idea of co-parenting. Regardless of who gets full custody, be certain that your ex also has equal time and responsibility for your children. Make your kids feel that it is perfectly okay to spend some time with the other parent. The parenting tip on co-parenthood may also mean that you may have to temporarily forget your conflict with your spouse and come together to talk about your children. Communicate with each other the needs and the changes which your kids are undergoing.
Continuously Monitor Your Kids
Even if one parent is far away, a suggested parenting tip is to device a way to both keep your eyes on your kids. Be sensitive to how your kids are behaving. It is a parenting tip to take note of indications that your kid is distressed with the current arrangements. Monitor school performance and peer activities. Continue communicating with your child even though he/she is apparently doing well in school.
Ask For Help When Necessary
If things are going out of hand, a practical parenting tip is to look for professional help. This parenting tip means that you may have to look for counseling options. It may be difficult for you to think about it but a trained counselor may be able to reach out to your child in ways that you may not be aware of. Counseling for you may be beneficial too. Getting in touch with support groups may also be a good idea.
We’ve been hearing one parenting tip to another. Each and every parenting tip may focus on one aspect of parenthood. A parenting tip may be about raising a toddler, a teen, a gifted child or a difficult child. There is however one other kind of child that should have parents that know a relevant parenting tip— the child of divorced parents. What parenting tip can divorced parents employ to make sure that their kids will be okay?
Protect Your Child First
A straightforward parenting tip is that your child should be your number one priority. This parenting tip implies that even before you decide to get a divorce, you should make sure that your children are safeguarded from parental conflict. Hearing you and your spouse quarrel or making kids feel an impending divorce even before you announce it may make them prone to negative or destructive feelings. Your children may even blame themselves for what is happening. Although your kids may have an idea of the conflict, it is better for them to hear a good explanation from you.
Communicate as a Family
A crucial parenting tip is for you to temporarily put aside your differences with your spouse and decide to come together as a family. It is a useful parenting tip to gather your children, explain to them honestly that you are getting a divorce. Tell them that the situation may be a little sad for all of you but that you are all still going to find a way to lead normal lives. At this point it is crucial for you to listen to your children and encourage them to relay what’s on their minds or ask their questions.
Be Supportive of Your Co-Parent
The most important parenting tip after the divorce is to openly support the idea of co-parenting. Regardless of who gets full custody, be certain that your ex also has equal time and responsibility for your children. Make your kids feel that it is perfectly okay to spend some time with the other parent. The parenting tip on co-parenthood may also mean that you may have to temporarily forget your conflict with your spouse and come together to talk about your children. Communicate with each other the needs and the changes which your kids are undergoing.
Continuously Monitor Your Kids
Even if one parent is far away, a suggested parenting tip is to device a way to both keep your eyes on your kids. Be sensitive to how your kids are behaving. It is a parenting tip to take note of indications that your kid is distressed with the current arrangements. Monitor school performance and peer activities. Continue communicating with your child even though he/she is apparently doing well in school.
Ask For Help When Necessary
If things are going out of hand, a practical parenting tip is to look for professional help. This parenting tip means that you may have to look for counseling options. It may be difficult for you to think about it but a trained counselor may be able to reach out to your child in ways that you may not be aware of. Counseling for you may be beneficial too. Getting in touch with support groups may also be a good idea.
May
1
How do you mend a parents broken heart?
Filed Under Parenting | 9 Comments
Debbie J asked:
My 20+ year old son has just told us that he’s gotten a girl pregnant. He says that he doesn’t love her and has told her so, has no intention of marrying her, but just wants the baby. We’ve met the girl and she’s psycho! She has a long history of mential illness, has tried to commit ******* several times, is obsessive/compulsive, and is a walking disaster. Because we are not happy about this and don’t share his excitement, our son has cut us out of his life. We’ve gone from talking everyday to not having talked in a month. I know that he’s an adult and needs to make his own decisions, but he’s so obsessed with wanting a baby that he’s not seeing the dangers that this girl brings. We love our son and only want what’s best for him. This just isn’t what is best for him.
My 20+ year old son has just told us that he’s gotten a girl pregnant. He says that he doesn’t love her and has told her so, has no intention of marrying her, but just wants the baby. We’ve met the girl and she’s psycho! She has a long history of mential illness, has tried to commit ******* several times, is obsessive/compulsive, and is a walking disaster. Because we are not happy about this and don’t share his excitement, our son has cut us out of his life. We’ve gone from talking everyday to not having talked in a month. I know that he’s an adult and needs to make his own decisions, but he’s so obsessed with wanting a baby that he’s not seeing the dangers that this girl brings. We love our son and only want what’s best for him. This just isn’t what is best for him.